The Birds and The Bees

Time to have the Talk

The other Sunday sitting down in church my nine year old daughter leans over and whispers to me.  “Mummy what does rape mean?”

I responded, “I will tell you after church”, hoping that she would forget to ask, she didn’t.  She promptly asked the question again as soon as we got in the car.  I paused and said.  “It’s when someone has sex with you against your will.”  

Interestingly enough her response was a very nonchalant “Oh” accompanied by a head shake.  I thought Oh? Oh!  I was expecting a blizzard of questions.  One of them being what is sex? But noooooo, all I got was “Oh”.  I figured she was going to come back to me later that day and question more, but she didn’t.  So of course, I started thinking that it is probably time for us to have that proverbial “Birds and Bees” talk.

Sigh.  Already!  Yes Already.  If she already knows what sex is, and I am still crossing my fingers that she doesn’t, then its best that she gets her information from me and not the fast little girl at school. 

That little encounter encouraged me to start thinking about this whole subject.  I started asking myself some questions. Like “What is the right age to have the “Talk”?  How much information should I give?  If I do have the talk too early will I rob my child of her innocence?  Again, why don’t these kids come with instruction manuals?  As parents we are left to figure this out on our own.  And each parent handles it their own way.

  
I came up with three very different categories of parents. 

The first is the “Spell-its”.  These are the parents that cannot say the word sex so they prefer to spell it.  Many of your parents may fit into this category.  These parents resort to saying to their children;.  “If you get pregnant, I’ll kill you.” Or “ Boy, you better not bring no baby home to this house. Keep ya tings in your pants”.  They never explain anything and they are certainly not entertaining of questions from a curious young mind.  They are quick to call their children “brazen” or “fresh”.  And if their children are ever caught with the children of the “TMI-parents” the girls are threatened with a bottle of hot sauce and the boys are threatened with castration.

The “TMI-parent”, too much information parent, are those that are too willing to talk and share information.  They buy videos and books and do demonstrations using inanimate objects.  While their hearts are in the right place, the embarrassment the child feels usually over-shadows the information they are giving.  I personally do not feel that I need to show my child a video of copulation.  That brings up another point, the TMI parent uses the text book words to describe genitalia.  Or God forbid the slang words.  They would never see the need to say the word V-jay-jay.

The final group is the “Need-to-knows”.  This group only gives the child the information that they need to know at that particular point in their life.  They can also be called the “Just enoughs”.  Just enoughs only give you the information you are asking for and nothing more.  They only discuss the topic if they are cornered.  They carry a strict “Don’t ask, don’t tell” rule.  I feel this is where I fall. 

After being pressured for weeks by my husband, I finally had a talk with my nine year old about having her period.  She has not had hers yet and I was figuring I had a few more years.  However, my husband was very paranoid about her getting the information now.  So I mustered up the courage and talked to her.  It went fine.  At least that is what I thought.  So, a few months later, her Dad asks her if I told her what to do if her period comes, you can obviously see which of the three categories he falls in.  She answers “No.”

  
I turned around shocked.  “Yes I did!” 

“No you didn’t.  When I asked you what to do when it happens you said “Just come to me.”  

Mission Unaccomplished.

Most of my friends say that their parents never even tried to talk to them about the birds and the bees.  Yet they turned out alright.  But, I liken it to finding a store in the US without a map.  Yes, you will eventually get there but you would probably take a route that was full of toll booths and it might take you twice as long.  It is definitely a talk that should happen.  But the question remains, When?

I am open to your advice.  Let me know what you did and how you did it.  Leave your comments below.

Until next time,

Ernesta, 

Member of the Just enough club.

QUALITY VERSUS QUANTITY?

It's 4:41pm on a Monday afternoon. I am tired. I have about an hour or so before my husband gets home. About an hour or so after that after the kids have been put to bed at some point I will be a wife. My husband will give me a certain look or a certain touch, or he will close our bedroom door to signify his desire...his desire to have sex.

Yes I am going to talk about this...the big three letter word...SEX!

Is quantity better than quality? 
Is it better to have lots of average sex or better to have less but off-da-chain-sex?
Is it better to have lots of sex or make love every so often?

Here is why I ask.

I don't know about the rest of you but I am tired. I would love to welcome my husband home wearing nothing else but these...

instead of these...

but tonight that's all I want to put on my feet. I have been in heels all day! I tired man!

Believe it or not, I never, okay my husband reads this blog so let me be honest, I rarely say no to sex. Me? Say no? Hell no? I am a wife for goodness sake. I will get in his desired position and do my endeavor best to please him and bless his heart he is satisfied but that's just it I know he is satisfied but not fulfilled.

Why is he satisfied but not fulfilled... because I really go through the motions, easily three times a week. Every now again I make a noise but I am not as I was before children! There I said it, and I know I am not the only one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hence I ask...is it better that he gets lots of sex, ordinary, hurry-up-already sex or should I be holding back and gear up for some hanging-off-the-chandelier-sex?

Is anyone having hanging from a chandelier sex? I mean really? Who does this? Wouldn't you fall? Or break something you spent plenty money on? Okay sorry focus Tiffany!!!!!

So yes, I want to be spontaneous and luxurious. Honestly I do, but HELLOOOOOOO, I WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!




Maybe if I was a work-at-home-take-a-nap-whenever-I-want wife or a stay- at-home wife I could be energized to be a sex goddess but I ain't gat it tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Instead of looking like this tonight..."Oh I love you, I am so ready to please you especially because this drink is so good. I am primed and ready!"

I feel like...

"Just pretend sleep Tiff and he will take pity and let you rest!" Ladies it is what it is. 

The problem is though, there are many women out there who are ready for whatever! There is a nineteen, twenty year old girl right now who doesn't know it, but she will attract the attention of my husband during his mid life crisis. I need to start preparing for that phase of marriage. I have heard enough stories of husbands who leave wives for women way younger than their wives. 

I AIN'T HAVING IT!

That means I need to put on those same high heeled shoes I posted above and shake it like a salt shaker.

Jesus Lord, where am I going to get that energy from?????

Until I blog again,

Tiffany

P.S. I gotta go with what I got, I am going to kill him with quantity and purposefully throw in a lap dance or striptease once a month! Jokes! If I don't do it, somebody will!