PARENTING: Life Lessons

courtesy of lookingflyonadime.com

Many years ago a dear friend shared a true story. 

During high school, Chelsea earned 'A' and 'B' grades. She was a good student. One semester she failed to be so successful. She was distracted with being a teenager. She brought home a report card filled with 'C' and 'D' grades. 

courtesy of www.daviddrury.com

Sigh...

One day, Chelsea's father told her to go into her closet and pack up her 'A' and 'B' clothes. She obeyed, not quite sure of her father's plan. He packed her clothing in suitcases then ordered her to get into the car. "Where are we going?" asked Chelsea. Her father did not answer. They drove in silence until they arrived at a thrift store. "We are here to buy your 'C' and 'D' clothing. When you earn 'C' and 'D' grades you wear 'C' and 'D' clothes. I'll give you back your 'A' and 'B' clothes when you earn 'A' and 'B' grades.

Chelsea lives in America and attended a school that did not require wearing a uniform. As a teenager, you can imagine her dismay going to school wearing her 'C' and 'D' clothing.

What a consequence!

Needless to say, a semester later Chelsea received her 'A' and 'B' clothing. Lesson learned! 

Well, my daughter is five years old and in Grade One. She has received excellent grades on every report card she has ever received. She has received high praise for her effort and achievement from all of her teachers. That is until last week. Last week, her Grade One teacher sent me an email describing a talkative student who is is not completing her work. She has been kept in during lunch and after school. She failed to attend a library class at one time as well. Why? Talking. 

Oh hell no!

I am a teacher. I spend all my days asking students to stop talking. I was disappointed to learn my 'good child' was talking in class. Channing's grades have remained superior because of her teacher's tenacity and basic care for my child. As her parent, I need to match that tenaciousness!

But how? Pardon my grammar but....'She five!' She has much more schooling to go! I don't want her to be overwhelmed!

Channing, she deserves to be kid!

Now please understand I am not one of those parents who is focused on grades. My concern is the disrespect, not following instructions, the talking.

And so, what did I do? I remembered Chelsea's story. Eric and I decided to let Channing live a 'talking in class type of life'! For the past week there has been less computer time, less television time, less craft time with Mummy and the most drastic was no gymnastics. Here is my thought. Why should I spend money on an extra-curricular activity? This is extra, not a necessity. Talking does not earn extra!

I want Channing to understand her choices determine the quality of her life!

Here's the thing though, is it too early to teach her this life lesson?

When should parents start to teach life lessons?

My children, Channing and Chase in my classroom.
Five and three years old respectively, very inquisitive about this thing we call life!

As a teacher I see the countless students who are rewarded for mediocrity! Students receive bad grades yet they have all of the latest gadgets. Homework incomplete, missing assignments, teacher complaints yet these kids are not concerned with their lives being altered. What is this? I remember on report card day as a child we didn't breathe easy until the envelope was opened. Talk about 'waiting to exhale'! Today report card day is a regular day. These students are not concerned.  

Who can blame them if there are no consequences for mediocrity?

And so, Channing is five years old. I want to begin early. My plan is to teach as much as I can before she becomes a teenager and discovers her long eyelashes and declares 'I am causing her stress'! (Smile Mummy)

But with that said, is five years too early to take away gymnastics and she get the message? Will Channing understand there is a consequence for every action? Will she digest her behavior at school affects her life at home?

Who knows? But I know one thing.....I have to do something because excessive talking in class which results in incomplete work is sooooo unacceptable! 

Until I blog again,
Tiffany

MOTHERHOOD: Lessons For My Son

Not Guilty!

courtesy of news.yahoo.com

This was the verdict read this past weekend in the Trayvon Martin Case.

As a mother I must look at this case and its verdict for lessons. I am a mother of a black male. In the not too distant future, he will be spending summers with his grandmother, uncle and cousins in America. What should I teach Chase to prepare him for these visits?

Because ... there are lessons to be learned from every situation, in this case tragedy.

And so  today I choose not to get caught up in the discussions of race relations in America, or how another black male is dead. I don't want to ponder why Zimmerman choose to fire a gun rather than throw a punch or where he will go into hiding. Instead, today I focus on the things I have control over. I focus on what I can influence. 

I can influence my son, Chase.

This morning I watched The View, Sherri Shepherd one of the co-hosts said as a mother she is teaching her son lessons. The lessons were as follows;

1. If it is cold outside, wear a hat or hoodie to keep yourself warm.

2. If a strange man is following you, more than likely it is to instill harm and it 

    is not for your welfare.

3. If someone is attacking you, do all you can to protect yourself.

She ended by saying these lessons, good and sound lessons could get you killed! What should she tell her son now? 

This is what got me thinking. What do I tell Chase when he is walking back to his uncle's house from the community pool at The Recreation Center? Because one day Chase could in fact be doing just that, walking from the pool with a towel slung over his head and a neighbour in my brother's community sees him and begins pursuit. 

What do I want Chase to do?

I thought and thought and thought. Here is all I could muster.

What To Do When In Danger

1. Run Away

2. Scream

3. Seek Help

LESSON ONE: Run Away

If you see danger run. Run away from the situation, whether at a party, you are alone, if someone is following you, there is a fire, if you see everyone else running ....RUN AWAY! 

Don't engage or respond to a confrontation with a stranger by no means. 

We live in a world where we never know who has a concealed weapon. We never know if a response to someone having a bad day could result in an injury.  

LESSON TWO: Scream

Scream as if your life depends on it! While running away, scream "HELP ME! HELP! THIS MAN IS CHASING ME! HELP ME! HELP!"

When there is danger scream. Why? I can only pray that there is someone who will be alerted. I have to pray if my son where running down a street running and screaming he will get someone's attention who will be in a position to offer help; even if that help is only call 911!

LESSON THREE: Seek Help

In school, as a teacher I always tell students, if someone wrongs you it is your responsibility to tell the teacher. Find a teacher. As an adult, if someone wrongs me my responsibility as a law abiding citizen is to tell the police.

If Chase is walking home to his uncle's house and danger is on his heels, my lesson is to call 911. I am sure he will have a cell phone. All teenagers do. Call 911! This is the first way I want Chase to seek help.

The second way I want Chase to seek help is to run to a house in search of an adult who can help. Ring a doorbell. Once again, as a mother I have to pray Chase rings the doorbell of someone who will see my son in distress and protect them, provide shelter to the best of their ability.

As I write this I realize, these aren't just lessons for my son but for my daughter as well. These are lessons for children growing up in this adult world.

I cannot change the reality of racial profiling, hell, I profile all the time. If I see someone suspicious I immediately check my surroundings; so profiling will always exist. That is out of my circle of influence. The judicial system, laws, jury selections are also out of my circle of influence. 

I only have my words to my children. 

At the age of 40 I know this to be true. I STILL REMEMBER THE LESSONS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME AS A CHILD! Did I listen to her all the time... no, but I know them. I hear her voice. 

Today I pray Chase and Channing will hear my voice!
I pray your children will hear your voice too.

Until I blog again,

Tiffany

Yay 40!

courtesy of takimag.com

"We don't understand life any better at forty than at twenty, but we know it and admit it." Jules Renard

For all of my Anglican Church Members out there, today in our bulletin there was an Independence Message from Bishop Boyd. He wrote,

'This month The Bahamas celebrates her 40th Anniversary of Independence. It is a milestone and a coming of age. For human beings 40 is the age of adult maturity, although it does not mean that the person stops growing and maturing; the process continues throughout the whole of life. We can say The Bahamas has reached one stage of her maturity , but has much more growing and maturity to do; it is a process for the rest of time.'

The Bahamas has reached one stage of her maturity, but has much more growing and maturity to do... 

This applies to Tiffany too!

I turned forty in January. I am proud to be forty. I am honored to tell my age. It is an accomplishment, but as Bishop Boyd wrote, there is much more growing to do!

But today, let me share what I know to be true for me at forty.

What I Know To Be True At 40!

1. My eyes will soon need some assistance.

2. 'Give us this day our daily bread', is true. God gives me what I need for each 

    day and not anything I need for tomorrow. 

3. Dark circles under eyes are real!

4. You should have children when you are young. They require energy.

5. You should have children when you are older. You need courage to parent

    and wisdom to sacrifice for your children.

6. If I want to go out on a Friday night I need to hydrate so I am not

    exhausted the entire next day.

7. Once you break a twenty, fifty or hundred dollar bill...consider that money 

    spent.

8. We train people how to treat us!

9. There are good guys out there to be your best friend, father to your children

    and your husband.

10. My mother was right, "Don't get married before you are 30 years of age or

     atleast 28."

11. I didn't begin to know who I was until I was in my thirties.

12. My failed relationships prepared me for my one successful relationship.

13. BREASTS do not defy gravity!

14. Children interrupt marriage. That's why God made them cute.

15. My  mother was right, "There is a consequence for every choice!"

16. People do what they can get away with.

17. The career choice I made in my teens does not suit the woman I am at

     forty.

18. My circle of friends is small and that is okay.

19. If you take care of your hair it will grow.

20. I can only be who I am!

And so, as The Bahamas, I have 'much more growing and maturity to do; it is a process for the rest of time.'

My son is teething gotta go...

Until I blog again,

Tiffany