IT AIN'T ABOUT THE "USED TO" CHICK

I saw this post on Facebook...

So, help me figure this one out. 


1. Is she saying he USED TO Direct Message (DM) the 'chick' before they met?

or

2. Is she saying he USED TO DM the 'chick' DURING their relationship but BEFORE they got married?

and

3. Why is the 'chick' all dressed up? Is she a bridesmaid or something? A wedding guest maybe?

My immediate thought upon seeing this was, why are we focused on the 'used to' chick? And why is the language directed at her so negative & nasty? 

What about the possible not so "used to" man?

No where in the caption was anything said about the man's behaviour! 

As women, why do we continue to focus on the other woman? Completely turning a blind eye on him and his behaviour.

Let's go through the above options...

If #1 was the case, then there is no reason for you to say a thing. We have all been there. We are ALL someone's ex. And for whatever reason, you both didn't work out and so you both became that someone that she/he didn't go further with. Whether one of you felt salty about it or not.

On to Option #2, So this dude was dealing with said "used to" chick for who knows how long but now you're happy because he chose you to be his wife? Where was she during the courtship? Who allowed this kind of interference to occur? The 'used to' chick? My guess is, it wasn't entirely her doing. He had to allow it, did he not? That speaks volumes to his character, not only the way he treated the 'chick' but also the way he treated YOU. What makes you think it will stop once you're married?

And #3, is she your friend??? Why is she at the wedding??? Who invited her? You? Or him? That's just cruel either way.

This is the kind of man you're proud to be with? I'm just saying.

Why do we come up with things like this to continue the competition between women? The constant competition for a man. I'm not naive, I know a certain level of healthy competition exists for very primal basic reasons. However, if someone can easily be pulled away from you then maybe there are some deeper matters to be discussed between the two of you. No need to then tear down other women in the process. (yes I am aware that these women play a role and ought to accept responsibility but certainly not all, not while you go marry or stay with the man she's been doing these things with, and yes I am aware that crazy and ratchet people exist.) Encourage better, but not in an insulting way. 

Little girls for centuries have been taught to aspire to marriage. Not little boys. We are raised and groomed to be the perfect little wife. Meanwhile, boys can sow their royal oats. When we find that ONE man to share the rest of our lives with it's seen as an accomplishment. If we don't, something is wrong with us. Is that our main goal in life? Does the bride think she won at something?

Marriage (in it's current form) doesn't guarantee a damn thing. The divorce rate is approximately 50%. You know at least one couple on the brink, you know one couple that is miserable, you know one couple that don't know what the hell they're doing, you know a couple who there but ain really there, you know one couple faking it, you know one couple where the husband 'sweethearting', and you know another couple where BOTH dealing with side action.

WRAP UP: I'm not shitting on marriage. Marriage can be a beautiful thing. I'm not shittin' on men. I am pro man. I am pro woman. I am pro 7 billion of us. What I am shitting on is the constant UNNECESSARY match-up between women. Go compete for a job. Or better yet, compete against yourself and make you better. Let's lift each other up while we are doing it. When you know better, you do better.

Signed, 
#SupportWomen
 Candilaria

The Truth is...

Signed, 
Life is real, Candilaria

Marriage: I Picked Well!

Eric and I 

It's Thursday morning, December 19th, 2013 and with all certainty I can say that I picked well.

Eric has and continues to be the best teammate I could ever ask for.

His shoulders are wide, his grip is secure, his feet are planted and his heart is in our marriage.

I know I am a piece of work at times...once a month for sure but somehow this man is there for me...Tiffany.

Did I see his honour when we were dating? Yes!
Did I feel his loyalty to our relationship? Yes I did!
Did I believe his character was authentic? Absolutely!

I married Eric because life is hard, the struggle is real, but he is the best man I know. I will walk with him. I will run with him. I will pant with him. I will celebrate with him. I may pout, complain, moan and whine while I do but I still choose Eric.

Yes there are moments where the single life is tempting, but this man, what he adds to my life is so much more.

This morning while internet surfing, I glanced upon this link on the Msn Homepage. As I read it, I realized that I need to do more in my marriage. I need to be to Eric what Eric is to me. I want him to feel as he makes me feel.

Click on the link. It's an easy read. It won't take you more than seven minutes. Maybe this will inspire you too!

Until I blog again,
Tiffany

The 10 habits that keep marriages strong

http://living.msn.com/love-relationships/love-sex/the-10-habits-that-keep-marriages-strong-1

TYLER PERRY'S "TEMPTATION" - CANDILARIA'S REVIEW

So Tiffany and I, along with friends, Tamara and Joy, decided to watch the movie "Temptation" last night.

I listened to people's opinions and the reviews for this movie and the majority of them were basically "OMG, that was a great movie!" or "Chile, that movie was so deep!" and "Boy, I didn't expect that one!", oh and my favorite "It was life-changing!"....So, I thought this was definitely a "must-see".

Hmmmm...Really??? 

Unfortunately, Tyler Perry (TP) will receive the public backlash and not the writers. I guess that's what happens when you attach your name to the beginning of the movie title. 

Dear Writer's, I think I could have written a better script, thank you!   

I do not despise TP movies like a lot of people apparently do (Good Deeds was actually pretty OK, oh and For Colored Girls) but I'm not a HUGE fan either. 

Temptation, Temptation, Temptation...is highly predictable much like all of his other flicks.  This is disappointing to me because TP, being a man with such influence, had a great opportunity to create an extraordinary movie that could have really shaken the ground. An opportunity to enter people's minds and jack it right up.  This did not.

I will give my opinion but I will expose some details because I need to make my point, dangit! Sorry!  So if you haven't watched it yet you can stop reading now.



The characters Judith (Journee Smollet-Bell) and her husband Brice (Lance Cross) had a "fairy-tale" love story.  They met as kids, fell in love, and were inseparable by the time they were teenagers and married by 19 (SERIOUSLY?). Hmmmm....say...what?, maybe 1% of the population in the world experiences that type of relationship?  Ten minutes into the movie and already I cannot relate.  

Brice is a settled pharmacist and Judith is an ambitious therapist or marriage counselor with a master's degree wanting her own firm.  She is employed at a high-class matchmaking firm which goes against her Christian upbringing. These characters lacked depth and there was absolutely no relationship development.  Honestly, there weren't any MAJOR issues that I could see that warranted Judith's extreme behaviour.  Ok, he forgot her birthday 2 years in a row....that was very unrealistic and not believable.  If there are husbands out there like this then tings really mash up! 

Judith wanted to grow, and Brice was comfortable. Judith didn't really seem to communicate her thoughts and feelings of unhappiness to her husband.  Then here comes Harley (Robbie Jones) aka Mr. Captain Save Her, an extremely wealthy guy who walks into the match-making firm and says all the right predictable things to get Judith's heart racing, like "If I was your man, I would never forget your birthday." (yawn) and "I can help you with your firm, I am a business man" (aww, how sweet) and "Does [your husband] challenge your mind? (you mean like how you seem to do?!)  Sighhhhh. Judith's head was gone in a second (poor judy) and soon she turned into a tight dress wearing, cocaine sniffing, wine swirling adulteress.  Well damn...

OK, I might mash a few corns here but I have to talk about Judith's mother because her role is important. The mother is a God fearing woman who taught her daughter how to be a good Christian woman, how to cook for her husband, how to take care of her husband, how to always be there for him, and of course preached to her about not to being swayed by the devil and the demons.  BUT...did she ever sit down and talk about the real nitty gritty of what goes on in the real world?  Judith's mother wasn't always a Christian, I'm sure she knows the deal.  When did she have REAL conversations with her very young, very innocent daughter about marriage instead of shouting scriptures at her?  I'm not saying that conversations from the Bible aren't real conversations and I'm not saying that any of this could or would have been avoided BUT what was her role in her daughter's demise?  

After the movie I heard a group of older ladies call Judith a "stupid little girl".  Wow, no sympathy for this leading lady!  A bit harsh, eh?  No she wasn't stupid.  She made a horrible mistake, one that she was obviously never equipped to avoid.  "Yeah, ya stupid, and because you so stupid to allow the devil into ya life you ga pay with catastrophic consequences".  That's all I could hear coming out of their mouths.  Hmmmmm.....is that the lesson we should take from this movie? 

So many things I would have changed in this movie to make it believable.  Tyler Perry, you should give me a call, let's create something people can really relate to.    

Have you watched it? What do you think about this movie? Did you enjoy it?  What message did you receive from it? Would you change anything? If so, what would you change?

Signed, 
A disappointed, Candilaria

WORD ASSOCIATION GAME:

So I'm expected to follow that post?!?!  Thanks Tiffany! LOL. I must say that it shows that you and Eric are truly best friends.

Ok now me....LOL (oh Lord what is Candi about to talk about)

I will play the association game. 

Hmmm....a word that I would associate with my marriage....let me think..........CHALLENGING! :)

It's so funny, I was recently at a cousin's wedding and while at the church waiting on the ceremony to begin I leaned over to my sister and said "Damn, people still doin' this? Really!?" and of course we broke into laughter because we both knew our cousin (the Bride) had no clue what was ahead of her.  Sounds kinda mean, but hey it's the truth. LOL

If it's one thing I would have appreciated was someone telling me prior to getting married was just how hard this sh*t is! (please don't be offended by my half curse word)  Tell me the nitty gritty, hold nothing back, and don't put a bow on it.  But I guess you have to live it to understand it, huh?  Maybe that's why people are still getting married. :)

My husband, Deran, and I have been together a total of 7 years, married for 4 years and it feels like 20! (*insert straight face emoticon here*) We've been through ALOT just like I'm sure many of you married couples out there have been through as well.  It hasn't been easy and no one told me that I would want to choke my husband about once a day...LOL...(ok, not that often but it's alot...haha)   

But it is hard. And it is work.  It is hard work and with all jokes aside, marriage is a roller coaster and you have to know there will be bumpy times, scary times, happy times, crying times, laughing times, "you better leave me the hell alone before I say something" times, lovey dovey times, bonding times, and the list goes on.  It takes strong communication, commitment, compromise, reassurance, sorry's, constant rejuvenation, lots of forgetting and Love :)  

Deran is actually sitting next to me reading this post and he approves this message. haha

Deran and I @ a friend's wedding

Anyone else want to play the association game and describe their marriage?

Signed, 
Saying this thing called marriage is hard, Candilaria   

 

The 20 Best Things You Can Do For Your Relationship

MARRIAGE:

Let's play the word association game. What words would you associate with the word marriage?

Commitment
Compromise
Companionship...

I believe it is fair to state that the words you relate to your marriage are dependent upon how many years you have been married. Newlyweds have a different perspective from others who have been married for five years, twenty-five or fifty years of marriage.

Eric and I will celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary this July. I can think of many words, but my number one word for my marriage is friendship. Eric was my friend then and he is my best friend now. It is my goal to continue to make the choices to ensure he is  my best friend twenty years from now.

Eric and I
My Best Friend




 
But how?
 
Below is a link to an article titled The 20 Best Things You Can Do For Your Relationship. The article is written by real married couples and people who have seen, studied, and lived really good love.
 
The advice is practical and relative. Some advice tips are 'Don't try to change what you fell for', 'Be silly', 'Get a reliable baby sitter' and  'Get yourself in the mood'.

The Link is below. Check it out. Make your marriage the best marriage you have ever had!

http://living.msn.com/love-relationships/love-sex/the-20-best-things-you-can-do-for-your-relationship-1#1

Eric's friend,
Tiffany