IT AIN'T ABOUT THE "USED TO" CHICK

I saw this post on Facebook...

So, help me figure this one out. 


1. Is she saying he USED TO Direct Message (DM) the 'chick' before they met?

or

2. Is she saying he USED TO DM the 'chick' DURING their relationship but BEFORE they got married?

and

3. Why is the 'chick' all dressed up? Is she a bridesmaid or something? A wedding guest maybe?

My immediate thought upon seeing this was, why are we focused on the 'used to' chick? And why is the language directed at her so negative & nasty? 

What about the possible not so "used to" man?

No where in the caption was anything said about the man's behaviour! 

As women, why do we continue to focus on the other woman? Completely turning a blind eye on him and his behaviour.

Let's go through the above options...

If #1 was the case, then there is no reason for you to say a thing. We have all been there. We are ALL someone's ex. And for whatever reason, you both didn't work out and so you both became that someone that she/he didn't go further with. Whether one of you felt salty about it or not.

On to Option #2, So this dude was dealing with said "used to" chick for who knows how long but now you're happy because he chose you to be his wife? Where was she during the courtship? Who allowed this kind of interference to occur? The 'used to' chick? My guess is, it wasn't entirely her doing. He had to allow it, did he not? That speaks volumes to his character, not only the way he treated the 'chick' but also the way he treated YOU. What makes you think it will stop once you're married?

And #3, is she your friend??? Why is she at the wedding??? Who invited her? You? Or him? That's just cruel either way.

This is the kind of man you're proud to be with? I'm just saying.

Why do we come up with things like this to continue the competition between women? The constant competition for a man. I'm not naive, I know a certain level of healthy competition exists for very primal basic reasons. However, if someone can easily be pulled away from you then maybe there are some deeper matters to be discussed between the two of you. No need to then tear down other women in the process. (yes I am aware that these women play a role and ought to accept responsibility but certainly not all, not while you go marry or stay with the man she's been doing these things with, and yes I am aware that crazy and ratchet people exist.) Encourage better, but not in an insulting way. 

Little girls for centuries have been taught to aspire to marriage. Not little boys. We are raised and groomed to be the perfect little wife. Meanwhile, boys can sow their royal oats. When we find that ONE man to share the rest of our lives with it's seen as an accomplishment. If we don't, something is wrong with us. Is that our main goal in life? Does the bride think she won at something?

Marriage (in it's current form) doesn't guarantee a damn thing. The divorce rate is approximately 50%. You know at least one couple on the brink, you know one couple that is miserable, you know one couple that don't know what the hell they're doing, you know a couple who there but ain really there, you know one couple faking it, you know one couple where the husband 'sweethearting', and you know another couple where BOTH dealing with side action.

WRAP UP: I'm not shitting on marriage. Marriage can be a beautiful thing. I'm not shittin' on men. I am pro man. I am pro woman. I am pro 7 billion of us. What I am shitting on is the constant UNNECESSARY match-up between women. Go compete for a job. Or better yet, compete against yourself and make you better. Let's lift each other up while we are doing it. When you know better, you do better.

Signed, 
#SupportWomen
 Candilaria

What happened to 'NO JOCKEY DAY'?

Were any of you aware that yesterday, June 22, was "No Panty" Day?

Well listen don't feel bad, I forgot too. I knew such a day existed but I have never committed the day to memory.

If you had to be reminded about the day, there is a strong possibility you were reminded by a male. Doesn't matter who the male is really. Nonetheless, it was a male. My hubby reminded me, so there you go!

My question is, when will there be a "NO JOCKEY" Day????

When will we see some doggie slingin'? 

Side note for my Internationals; 

"Doggie" (noun) - Bahamian slang for male genitals

Question is, do we really want to see loose flaccid penises??? Is that even attractive? Think about it, a bouncin', bobbin' doggie. (I literally busted out laughing as I typed that) Come to think about it, it really isn't all that desirable is it? Not like it is for a man knowing that under your clothes there is an exposed vagina. 

Now, why do you think that is?

Is it a form of appreciation? Appreciation of the woman's physical traits? 

My guess is that it is natural for men to be energetically drawn to our bodies. For one very obvious reason. Procreation.

It's so much deeper than that. My thoughts are that there is a fine line between appreciation (because what woman doesn't want her body appreciated???) and objectification. 

Women objectify men as well but that's not what this here post is about. :)

When a woman's body part is singled out and separated from her as a person and is viewed as an object of the male's desire then we have crossed the line.

We all know that this behaviour can have adverse affects on women. According to the study, "Sexual Objectification of Women: Advances to Theory and Research" by Dawn M. Szymanski, Lauren B. Moffitt, and Erika R. Carr, 
this kind of objectification can lead to self-objectification for women causing all sorts of mental health issues. Issues like, increased anxiety about their own physical appearance and opportunities for body shame.

That's NOT cool.

So men (and women), take heed. Ain't nothin' wrong with a little appreciation but let's keep it at that. Women aren't here for YOUR enjoyment. Period. But who knows, maybe one day we will get to the point where flaccid dick slingin' is sexy. My second guess is, maybe not. LOL.


Sincerely, 
Where is #NoJockeyDay
Candilaria 

10 Reasons to STOP wearing a Bra

Yesterday, as I was walking out of my front door, I had a feeling of free-ness. I felt my body and realized, Ah, I wasn't wearing a bra. Hmmmm, how did that happen? I usually put on my under garments before anything else. How did I manage to NOT put on a bra?! Perhaps it was due to my subconscious thoughts of damning all bras to hell.

Braless Diana

Mind you, I am a woman very much caught up in the bra world. I need it. It's a comfort for me. Or I think I need it. It helps to make these boobies look like "sense". I mean, I have two children, whom I breastfed. I'm in my mid-thirties, and naturally breasts won't be as firm, supple and sticky, right? I don't have breasts like a teenager anymore, so I need something to MAKE them look that way again, right?

I suppose the role of the bra as always been for aesthetics and possibly as well as the "need" for breasts to be covered up. Even UNDER all of your clothing? Weird.

We aren't comfortable enough for loose boobies. Or maybe we are getting there, as somehow I managed to forget to put a bra on the other day. Now, I don't have big boobies and it may be the reason why I am able to give up wearing a bra a bit more readily than others. (But please remember, small don't mean a thing!) Some women need them for the support for much bigger boobies because without them they feel too heavy. Whatever the reasons are, 

Here is my list of 10 reasons why we should just give up wearing a bra...

10. No more variety of bra sizes to choose from in your drawer.  If you're anything like me, I have different size cups and back sizes. From 32B to 34D. I didn't always have small boobies, ya know! :)

 9. #10 leads to SAVING MONEY! Who doesn't like saving money, though?

 8. It makes it easier to BREASTFEED! If you are breastfeeding, kudos to you. It's not easy. So why not make things simpler when you can. Nix the bra and always be ready and available to feed!

 7. Better breathing! You know sometimes the bra is too tight, hey. 

 6. Prevents dents and marks. Tight bras or the wrong size bras lead to dents in the shoulders and marks about the body. Don't abuse yourself that way.

 5. We've done away with the corset, so why not the Bra too?! Corsets were sexy but how beneficial were they and to whom?

 4. You know that feeling you get when you take off your bra when you arrive home?  Yeah that, ALL THE TIME! Enough said.

 3. It really doesn't help to improve the lift of your breasts. If you think the bra is helping to lift your breasts so that they don't sag, (and is why you secretly sleep with one on as well) you are sadly mistaken. It actually trains your muscles to depend on something else to support them and so the muscles go on a long ass vacation.

 2. It allows us to learn to love and accept our bodies as they are. To be able to be confident in your body and all it's natural beauty should always be the goal.

 1. Because it is hella SEXY! How incredibly sexy did I feel yesterday without it?! Very! A liberating feeling and probably because I gave zero fucks. 

I don't say all of this to say that it won't be difficult. It's hard even for me to do. But I'm working at it. Yesterday, as I exited the house I hesitated for a few minutes trying to decide if I should go back in the house for a bra. My husband then looks at me and says, "your level of confidence or lack thereof is directly related to other people." I knew the words coming out of his mouth all too well but hearing it at that moment struck a cord.

He was right. Most times our confidence is based on what other people will think or say (especially behind our backs). Walking around without a bra when you don't want to is to please others, not you. But here's the kicker, what we think other people are thinking may not even be what they are in fact thinking!

So I say, if you want to go sans bra, DO IT! If the "others" have a problem with it, tell them to close their eyes! LOL

**Disclaimer** I still encourage sports bras for exercise because boobies bouncing up and down can hurt and is just downright annoying!


Signed, 
#IAmFreeBoobingIt #FuckBras #ExceptOnlyWhenISeeACuteSetAtVickiSecrets #ILieEvenThenFuckBrasCuzTheyCostTooMuch

Candilaria

WOMEN AND PUBLIC BATHROOMS

The office hallway seemed never ending as I quickly scrambled to the communal bathroom while trying not to have a complete breakdown of the bladder...

I twitched around a corner and lunged into the door hoping that my violent push didn't whack another woman into unconsciousness.  Unfortunately, the stench I walked into almost knocked me down for the count. Nothing wrong with taking a morning to do but dang, walking in the waft of a fresh sh*t first thing in the morning isn't necessarily the way you want to begin your morning (and before your morning coffee/tea too!?).  It's a sure way to set your mood right off.

But that's not what really set me off. 

So I busted through the door and began unbuttoning my pants immediately on my way to the stall.  A swift kick to open the stall door and what do I see? Something that looked like a total eruption of someone's intestines inside the toilet with a side of tinkle all around the toilet seat! (Yes, I must be graphic) Seriously?! Is this how we grown women are carrying on? This is straight up nasty!!

This could be a sensitive topic for some or one that some may think is too crass to talk about...but, seriously, we all think it.  I'm just saying it out loud. 

I personally dislike using public bathrooms. Sometimes you just don't know what conditions you will meet.  The built up anxiety of whether you will step into a fairly decent stall or a straight up sh*tty one (pun intended) is a feeling no one should have to go through!

But what leaves me completely baffled is that women continue to contribute to this nasty trend!  Women aren't nasty, right?!  We keep our houses and whatever areas we are in charge of clean, don't we? I would like to think so!  So why in the world do I meet urine all over the toilet? Do you not see it before you leave?! Or am I missing something? 

Something is always going wrong in the Women's bathroom for management to place the 'out of order' sign on the door and an HVAC on the floor. Overflowing due to clogging from too much tissue, or sanitary napkins, and whatever else women toss down there.  Why women? Why? I encounter this too often and is something I just cannot wrap my head around.

If you have to assume the squat stance and know you are a sprayer, well dammit clean up after yourself! It's YOUR PEE!  Flush the toilet if it's working! If it isn't, help to put a sign on the door to warn others and do the right thing and report it. Just don't leave it expecting someone else will take care of it.

How do we go from taking care of house and home to being completely inconsiderate in public bathrooms???

Maybe because we have to clean our own bathrooms that we don't care to be mindful of what we do in other bathrooms?  We just know that someone will take care of it and we're just glad it isn't us? (Hmmmm...although, when I think about that, it does sound like a good arrangement)

Just some thoughts for you today.  Do you wipe the seat if you are a sprayer? Please tell me you do!



Have a happy Friday with clean toilets!

Signed, 
I need my own bathroom, Candilaria

How we have "Me Time" as Married Working Mothers

How?


Just do it!


1.  Get over the Guilt of wanting to have "me time"...

2.  Next, once you've convinced yourself that you absolutely deserve and NEED this time - PLAN.  This is one we can't escape.  Although I wish all of the planning would be done for me sometimes, the daily routine of life falls on us so it's imperative that we make the necessary steps to make "me time" happen. From deciding what to do and where to go to organising the children and husband.  So we Plan.

And that's it.  It's that simple.  In just two simple steps you could be on your way to enjoying "me time" by yourself or with your girlfriends.


Candilaria and Tiffany's "Me Time"...

Tiffany and I decided that we needed "me time".  We have no qualms about feeling that we deserve it. Nope.  None at all.

It's "Me O'clock"

We planned to become tourists in our own country and embarked on a journey to Blue Lagoon Island.  It had been years and years since either of us had visited the island and were super stoked.


At 8:30 a.m. on a beautiful day we boarded the Dolphin Encounter boat - with some challenges getting there of course but nonetheless we made it.

Top Left - Our view from the boat.;
Top Right - Our first "Usie" for the day
Bottom Left - Tiffany and I with our drinks and bartender, David;
Bottom Right - We rigged up a little morning drink. Nothing like a Mimosa to kick off the day!

Welcome to Blue Lagoon!  We picked an awesome spot to cop a squat.  We lounged, we explored, we talked, we laughed, we swam, we read, we slept.  It was a perfect day.

Our colourful cups that contained the right kind of drink we needed and allowed us to have those "sweet naps" throughout the day :) 

We were having such a great time, somehow we missed our boat back. Hmmmm...not sure how that happened.  So what did we do?  Nothing.  We hung out some more. We ended up hitching a ride on the boat that transports the employees back and forth!

We topped the day off by meeting up with another absolutely fabulous Married Working Mother and the day "me time" turned into night "me time".  When I arrived home, my children were tucked in bed and fast asleep and my husband was very thankful for the day I had (wink wink).  And so was I.

Before I end this post I must share a story.  

While swimming/floating in the crystal clear waters at Blue Lagoon the most terrifying thing that could ever happen to a married woman happened.  I lost my wedding band! I felt it slip from my finger as we were swimming back to shore.  The terror on my face signalled to Tiffany that something was wrong. I became paralysed. After my freak out session, bystanders made their way over to us to see if they could assist.  A gentleman with the use of a Lifeguard's goggles dove in search for Mr. Thompson's wife's ONE good ring. Like so many women who lost their rings to the ocean I was hoping that I was the exception.  That my ring would be found.  And....

He found it!!!!!!!  Eric (pictured below) found my ring.  All was right with the world once again and I resumed to my "me time".

"Me Time" has become our favourite topic because we know how much we need it.  How much women need it.  As we mentioned during our presentation at The Pretty Brown Girl Bahamas Conference in May, we consider ourselves experts on the subject matter and we are here to show you how you can do it too!  We are here to help you. :) :)


How important are you to yourself?!  

Where are you on your own priority list? 

Make the time for you. Everyone around you including YOU will thank you for it. 



Signed, 

I (Heart) "Me Time", Candilaria

       

THOUGHTS OF THE DAY

We are exhausted. We are frustrated.  We are happy.  We are excited. We are sad. We are miserable.  We are beautiful.  We are full of love. We are blessed. 

We are every emotion that ever existed. 

Answering the "How are you?" question is not an easy one.

When asked this question by another woman, and there is a slight pause before a response, we know what that means.  It means you are everything and nothing at all, all at the same time. We are beautiful messes and we can never really describe exactly how we feel at any given time because we change so quickly!  

Everyone is doing the best they can.  

Being a Married Working Mother isn't easy and no one really knows if they are doing it "right". What they do know is that they are doing what's best for them and their families.

So let's be gentler to the women around us.  We are all going through it.  We can learn from each other.  

Signed, 



Be encouraged, Candilaria