HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!


Married Working Mothers (MWMs) would like to celebrate ALL the mother's out there.  The first time mom's, the veteran mother's, and the soon-to-be mummy's. 

We wish ALL of you the most delightful, amazing, wonderful, fun-filled Mother's Day.  May your heart be content and surrounded by those you love and those who love you!

Being a mother is probably the most challenging and often the most thank-less job you will ever experience. Nonetheless, all that is hard is quickly erased from your thoughts when those little eyes (no matter how old your child(ren) get they will always be little to you) look at you with such admiration, or when they give you those warm hugs just when you need it, or when "I Love You" is uttered ever so gently and unexpectedly - these are the moments that make your heart melt and feel that every minute, every single tiring second of motherhood is completely worth it.

To all the MWMs' readers and every mother...
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
Enjoy YOUR Day! 





Signed, 
Married Working Mothers









SCANDAL REVIEW: "ANY QUESTIONS"


David Rosen, courtesy of Tv Fanatic

So let's start with.....Billy Chambers is the mole!  If you don't remember Billy Chambers, he was the guy that worked with the VP Sally Langston and conjured up the whole Amanda Tanner scandal. Kinda anti-climatic don't you think? Or Maybe not?  We shall see...

More shocking than finding out who the mole is, is that sneaky, double-crossing David Rosen.  He wanted revenge all this time after the Defiance debacle.  And for plenty of reasons I guess.  Olivia in protecting Fitz took everything from David, his reputation, his job, his life.  So he stole the Cytron card (the evidence that the election was rigged) back and placed it into the hands of the deranged Mr. Chambers....And I was just starting to like David as a Gladiator and being a part of the team. Didn't see that one coming.  Well done Shonda, well done. You shocked me with that one.

How does the President spend the night outside of the White house at Olivia's apartment.  Damn. That man's got some b*lls. Cyrus barges into Olivia's apartment to retrieve his President after a journalist asks him "where is the president?" Cyrus will have a melt down in this episode. It's coming.

Mellie spends all her time with her therapist...he tries to persuade her to give up the name of the woman her husband is sleeping with.  But she refuses.  She is waiting to see what Fitz's next move will be and what he will say when he makes his statement.  I told y'all, Mellie ain no fool. 

The Prez informs Cyrus that when he addresses the American people he will tell them he won't be seeking a second term.  Mellie and Olivia knows Fitz better than Fitz knows himself.  They both knew there was no way Fitz wouldn't run for a second term.  Cyrus finds out the the President didn't signed the papers for the re-election.  Was this intentional? Cyrus, of course tells Olivia and she shows up to talk to the president and asks if he knew he wasn't running for re-election before he conveniently "chose" her.  They hash things out and he knows deep within.  Olivia knew that it probably would have been the thing that came between them if he were to give it all up.  And since Fitz doesn't feel worthy of being the President being elected for a second term, on his own, would validate him.  So he tells The American people that his business is just that, his business!  And he is running for a second term!

The bench sitting man, Jim Morton's character, what's his deal?  Why does he have such an interest in the tape of Olivia and Jake?  Do you think showing Fitz this footage will drive another wedge between he and Olivia?  I don't think so.  Fitz may try to half kill Jake but this all happened during the time he and Olivia weren't "together".  I have a feeling that this bench guy is close to Olivia, maybe her father?  Hmmm....another something to think about.

Harrison gets all up in Olivia's face trying to be her protector and "fix" the situation of her name possibly being revealed as the other woman.  However, Olivia wouldn't admit that anything was wrong and shot poor Harrison right down.  Bruised that gladiator's ego.   
Cyrus vs. James, courtesy of tv Fanatic


Mellie purposely chose James (Cyrus's husband) to conduct the live interview to hit both Cyrus and the President in the gut. Cyrus tells James he was just too stupid to see it.  And here comes the meltdown. The fight that then ensued between Cyrus and James was brutal!  Cyrus cut that poor man into a million pieces which left my mouth hanging open.  While James may have been naive, Cyrus was unbelievably mean and I felt incredibly bad for James. His facial expressions looked like that of a child whose dreams have been crushed, chewed, swallowed and shat on.  Cyrus was definitely out of line and losing control - everything he'd worked so hard for was falling apart and the constant pressure to keep it all together. But he took it out on James - not cool. Back on the couch for you Mr. Cyrus Beene.
 
Olivia brings Cyrus coffee and they discuss trying to stop her name from being revealed. Their relationship is quite unique, but I kinda get it.  I understand it.  Hey, who says you can't sit down with a cup of coffee with the man who just last week wanted to get rid of you?  When Olivia leaves, the bench sitting man walks up and greets Cyrus. "Hello" he says.  HUH?  Who else is Cyrus connected to??  Why doesn't this surprise me? They talk about Cyrus showing the tape of Olivia and Jake to stop the President from announcing he won't run for a second term.  I'm telling you, could he be her father?  Think about it, we don't know anything about Olivia's past!

  A hit was put on Charlie, he called Cyrus for help but Cyrus denies knowing him and hangs up the phone, he then shows up to Olivia Pope & Associates for help.  Huck gets the name of the mole by tying Charlie up.  Huck attempts to seek revenge for everything Charlie has done to him but Quinn stops him.  I love their relationship.  Huckleberry Quinn.  Not shooting Charlie took a lot of courage and showed how far Huck has come since his homeless days.

So we're all set for the season finale next week!  In the previews it looks like Cyrus actually has a heart attack. 

What are your thoughts about this episode?  What do you think about Billy Chambers being the mole?  What do you think bench sitting man is all about? Do you think Billy Chambers, Charlie, Cyrus, David, and bench sitting man are all connected?

Signed,
Can't wait for the season finale, Candilaria












LIFE...AND EXPECTATIONS...

My daughter said to me last evening, after hearing a little boy crying, "mummy, he's crying because his heart is sad and heavy." I stared at my daughter in disbelief as she spoke those words.  In disbelief because although the statement wasn't directed at me, my heart was in fact sad and heavy.  AND...what does an almost 6 year old know about a heart feeling heavy?? Wow.

My heart is sad and heavy....and while I won't go into details as to the why, the "why" got me thinking just about life in general, human nature, our society and more importantly the expectations we place on each other.  The topic of expectations is such a big one that I already feel overwhelmed even writing about it.

We live in a world that is dictated by people.  People telling you what to do, what to wear, what to buy, and how to act.  Society as a whole encourages conformity for the obvious reason that it helps to control the masses.  And of course that's what we need, right?  But on the flip side it's sad that at a very early age we lose our individuality well before we have time to develop it!  And sometimes do not find it again until we are much older, or sometimes not at all.

Initially we become what our parents teach us and raise us to be and then our teachers, other family members, our community and even our friends. We go through school for about 16 years of our lives (including college), then off to work, and then off to get married and then add some kids into the mix. Do we ever have the chance to become an individual and know exactly who we are and what it is we want?  And no, I don't think 4 years in college is enough to get to know yourself! Does family and society itself dictate who and what we should be? Do we live our lives for others? Are expectations being placed on us without us even being aware of them? Not only by our loved ones but by society.

Expectations play a big role in our lives.  It's a basic human trait that we learn very early on in life.  Most of our expectations come from our own home and background.  We have expectations not only of ourselves but of our loved ones, especially our spouses and immediate family members. 

Are there expectations that go without saying?  That are automatic? Do you think those expectations are fair?  Should we place expectations on others?  A friend said to me during a discussion yesterday that it's the unspoken expectations that hurt relationships.  But even if they are communicated is it fair to the other person?  Simple example, if your husband likes his clothes folded a certain way, and he expects it to be done that way, is that an expectation you the wife should take on? If you are the one folding the clothes?  And then what happens is, the outcome will be, as to avoid future conflict, that the husband will just fold his clothes the way he likes it.  But then the husband becomes a little bitter at the fact that he has to do it.  No?  What do you think?  That's just a very simple example.

Do expectations from others stop you from being an individual? Are we putting pressure on our loved ones by placing our own expectations on them? Pressure to the point where people become unhappy, and unable to manage?  I don't think we realize how expectations affect people and to what extent.  It can be devastating and damaging to a person if they do not live up to a loved ones expectations.  Just imagine if you removed whatever expectations you have on one another, wouldn't you both feel a sense of relief, wouldn't you feel a bit lighter?  What do you think? 

Expectations is an overwhelmingly big topic and I haven't even scrapped the top but I hope to continue this discussion and receive feedback from our readers.

I'll leave you with a few questions....Do you have expectations of yourself? What are your expectations?  Are you able to live up them?  Do you have expectations of your spouse or any other loved one?  If so, what are they?  Do you feel they are automatic and goes without saying?  Are they realistic for him/her to live up to?  Do you think they should have to live up?  Do you feel you only have to live up to your own expectations?  How do you find a solution when someone isn't living up to one of your expectations?  How do you feel about it?

I open the floor for discussion....


Signed,
Candilaria

MARRIAGE: When Your Husband Does Not Love You?

On Thursday night I watched 'Scandal', the television show on ABC. The episode was partly about the President of the United States choosing his mistress instead of his wife. He chose her because he loved her. He loves his mistress. He does not love his wife.

Are you in this predicament?

Does your husband love another woman? If given a choice, will your husband choose you?

Some of you may read this blog and think that my storybook marriage with Eric is a facade. You may think that it is not realistic, that Eric is not truly my best friend. But he is!

Many but not all of you know that this is not my first marriage. Many of you do not know what I experienced before marrying my best friend.


My present husband Eric and I early on in our dating stage


And so, here is a bit of information.

In 1997, against my mother's approval I married a man seven years older than me after living with him for a year. Why I moved to Milwaukee to be with him, why I got married and the type of marriage I had is besides the point. In January 2001, this man, my husband at the time told me he thought we should separate. He decided he did not want to choose me. 




There are many details I can recount, but the bottom line is he did not choose me. I sat on a bed and listened as he told me that he was choosing something else besides me. I was not the first wife to be dumped and I shall not be the last. But I can confess to all of you that I know what it feels like to be unwanted.


Unwanted.
Cast aside.
Undesired.

He did not pick me.

On Thursday, the President of the United States on this television show did not pick his wife. As the character Mellie sat alone, I recalled the loneliness. My situation was completely different from hers but what we did share was the desire for a man to pick us.

Pick me!

These two words are so meaningful to me. Pick me! These two simple words uncover a designer line of baggage I carry from my father who as far as I am concerned has failed to 'pick me'. As fate would have it, I chose a man that did not 'pick me'. Mellie married a man who did not 'pick her'.

Have you chosen a man that did not 'pick you'?

What do you do?
Can you change his mind?
What if you can't? What do you do next?

Well, to answer those questions what did I do? I cried. I lost weight. I laid in bed. I took sleeping pills to go to sleep. I cried a lot more. And then one day I cried five minutes less than the day before. Readers, I can't really tell you what to do except to feel and embrace the pain. 

Did I change this man's mind? 
No! Can you change your husband's mind? I am not in a position to say no you can't or yes you can. But I can tell you what I believe.

I believe that the only person you can change is you! Remember this is only my personal belief. 

What did I do next?
One day I accepted this man doesn't want me. I was driving and a song by Bonnie Rait came on the radio. I Can't Make You Love Me. Check out this link if you don't know the song. Some of the powerful lyrics are below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfwylq9ZDyw

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't 
You can't make your heart feel something it won't 
Here in the dark, in these final hours 
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power 
But you won't, no you won't 
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't 

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see 
The love you don't feel when you're holding me 
Morning will come and I'll do what's right 
Just give me till then to give up this fight 
And I will give up this fight 


And so it hit me that this man does not want to be with me. Why do I want to be with a man who does want to be with me. That was the beginning of the end of my first marriage. 

I did not want a divorce. Not because I loved the man, but because I felt like I had failed. No one gets married and thinks their relationship will end in a divorce. 

It's failure!

Last night on Scandal, Mellie did not want to admit that her marriage was a failure. 

In February of 2001, my first husband took the keys to our apartment and told me to get out. I was in Memphis Tennessee. I knew no one except my first husband's boss. I drove around for hours trying to find their house. The next day, he purchased an airline ticket for me to travel to my brother in Savannah.  

In 2003, I met Eric. Yes I skipped a lot of the details but the most important detail is that I met Eric. So when you read this blog and I mention Eric, when I talk about my marriage, my second chance at marriage, please know that I too was an unwanted woman.

I sat just like Mellie did Thursday night on Scandal hoping her husband would pick her.

If you are hoping that your husband will pick you, I wish you all the best. I have no guarantees to offer. I have no quick fixes, no recommendations, suggestions or links to upload for you except for this prayer, the serenity prayer.


courtesy of my-beautiful-words.blogspot.com



I can only say that one time ago I was in your shoes, I am not there any longer.

Please, please, please remember I am by no means telling anyone what to do. I am writing this blog only to share. I want to share a snippet of my story, to let you know that I once was hurt but that hurt was followed by some serious healing. It is that choice to heal which makes my present day smiles brighter.


July 19, 2008
Getting married to Eric

Until I blog again,
Tiffany


SCANDAL REVIEW: "A WOMAN SCORNED"

For the past week I've been trying my damnedest to watch last week's episode of Scandal - "Seven Fifty-Two".  All the way up to 9:52 p.m last night and guess what...yup...no luck! Sorry for not being able to give you a review on that one. How on earth could I have fallen asleep during the best show on television?!  Being a married working mother, that's why! LOL


However, I did manage to watch last night's episode....


A lot of thoughts blowing my mind and now I have the task of formulating them into words.  


***SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER...If you haven't watched last night's episode of Scandal yet I suggest that you DO NOT read this post.***



Listen, I'm just gonna cut right to the chase.  The last ten minutes of Scandal was the countdown to Mellie's interview to expose the POTUS and Olivia.  Look Mellie sweetie, no amount of interviews and certainly not the ultimatum you gave that man is going get him to stay with you, girl!  Fitz chose Olivia.  Point blank. Not sure if this came as a surprise to you, Mellie, (because it should not have) but this is the same man who asked YOU for a divorce!  Mellie, seriously, what leverage did you think you had while negotiating with with your husband?  It's hard to feel sorry for Mellie and many would agree with me that she acted like a spoiled little child that didn't get her own way.  Yes, I understand she's trying to save her loveless marriage, she is trying to save the marriage so that she can continue to bask in the lifestyle it provides.  Maybe.  I just find it hard to believe that she loves Fitz.  It's hard to feel sorry for Mellie and it's hard not to root for Olitz.  BUT, Mellie ain no fool, y'all.  To us she had no motive for what she did last night, but did she?  What's up her sleeve?  Let's keep an eye on her.


Fitz doesn't care about the interview. So the president showed up at Olivia's apartment (so funny how the POTUS can do that so easily - gotta love tv, eh) because he chose her.  Not only did he choose her, he earned her. We'll come back to this. :)

The search for the mole in the White House continues and during this episode the OPA aka the Gladiator's fingers were pointing to Cyrus.  They found out that Charlie (Cyrus's henchman, the same guy he used to kill Amanda Tanner) was the one that attacked Huck in the storage locker and the one that broke into Olivia's apartment.  They reluctantly disclose their findings to Olivia and she can hardly believe it because she and Cyrus are friends, good friends and long time friends at that. This is Cyrus we're talking about, but as much as all the fingers are pointing to him he seems too obvious.  He's not the mole.  Frankly, I'm getting a bit tired of this damn mole story.  Who cares anymore.  Who is it already!  Geesh!  While all of that is going on, Cyrus is in the middle of the negotiating war between the Grants and he isn't necessarily trying to fix them but just trying to get them in the same room to talk things out.  At home his husband, James, seems to have gotten what he wanted (a job) and in return gives Cyrus what he wanted (to sleep in the bed and a little hanky panky).  Can I tell y'all I was NOT ready for that. Yikes!

Cyrus in keeping with his devious behaviour orders Charlie (his henchman) to find evidence that Jake and Olivia have been together. We see Charlie sitting in Jake's apartment watching the surveillance of Olivia and Jake.  Oh boy. Now Cyrus has a little juice on Olivia, something he will keep for a rainy day I'm sure.  Such an evil thing to do to a so called "friend".

Getting back to the OLITZ storyline, earlier in the episode Fitz called Olivia and expressed that he wanted to see her and that she must come to the White house.  After saying he will show up at the OPA office if she didn't, Olivia is at the White House in a split second. It's good to be the president!  She enters the oval office slamming the door in Jake's face (who is still protecting her 24/7 per the POTUS's orders).  The tension and raw passion between them is always incredible, nobody can stand it!  "You do not summon me!" Olivia yells out, and "You do not walk away from me!" Fitz yells in return.  They continue in a lover's quarrel which ends something like this, Fitz responds to Olivia's statement that they are over, saying "we are never over!" And she shoots back at him, "if you want me! Earn me!"  Well, there you go.  She. Said. The. President. Needs. To. EARN. HER.  Way to go Olivia! And chile please, he did that and mooooore!

In a final negotiation (of course without the presdient) Cyrus asked Mellie what if he could get rid of Olivia, would she call off the interview.  Of course she agrees and Cyrus orders the president's secretary to call Jake and tell him the president has requested a meeting and that he leave Olivia.  But Jake knows better, he's a military man, Cyrus! So Cyrus shows up to Olivia's apartment thinking that Jake won't be there (silly Cyrus).  This is the moment I actually liked Jake for a few minutes (ok, I kinda like his character in some weird twisted way, don't judge me!).  He only takes orders directly from the president (not his secretary) and did not leave Olivia's side.  Take that Cyrus!  But were any of you confused as to why Cyrus showed up and not one of his hench men?  Was Cyrus going to "handle" Olivia himself? 

Jake went inside Olivia's apartment after handling Cyrus and he and Olivia had a little back and forth of you tell me something, I'll tell you something.  Jake has a feeling that she and the president's relationship goes deep and asks her about it but Olivia remains silent.

So who is the mole? Is David Rosen now a part of the Gladiator team?  Will Fitz find out about Olivia and Jake?  How do you think that will go down?  Did you know this was the episode that Tony Goldwyn (Fitz) directed?  Must have been him to slip in that shower scene, bout "hi"...made you melt didn't it!  After last night I can't wait for next week's episode.  Where do you think the story is headed?


Signed,
Until next week's episode, Candilaria