MARRIAGE: Who Knew?

imgflip.com
Images like these make women believe
men don't have emotions!

For those of you who may not know, I am presently in my second marriage. I remember the exact day during my first marriage I realized that men have emotions too. Amazingly, it was after we were separated.

Way back in 1996, without any notice I checked into a hotel for the night  after an intense argument. (This was while we were dating .....yes I was shacking up!) I returned home the next day to a boyfriend giving me the silent treatment. In the days that followed we eventually starting speaking but we never discussed my field trip to The Hilton!

After my marriage dissolved and we were living in two separate states , my ex husband was in my city for a visit. He bumped into me at a club, I was looking sexy as ever which led him to give me a call. He invited me to the movies. Of course I went. Afterwards, I dropped him to his hotel. While sitting in the parking lot, five years later in 2001, this man opened his heart to share his hurt over my choice to leave our apartment in 1996. He had never forgiven me for leaving him. FIVE YEARS LATER......SERIOUSLY!

I thought women held grudges?!! Apparently we aren't the only ones!

Despite this revelation being five years late, it was very sincere. I remember gazing at my ex husband in amazement. He was hurt all this time? I hurt his feelings? He didn't seem hurt... angry but not hurt! I know I know I know, anger is an emotion but I was 23 years old at the time. At 42 I know now that anger is repressed hurt. Anger is an emotion!

kenmcphail2u.blogspot.com
I got this image from an actual post written by a man....check it out!

Fast forward to today to my marriage. My husband is presently 'going through some things' that were not caused by me! As events unfolded he continued to function. He worked, he smiled, he walked, he smiled; to any onlooker including me he looked fine.

Until one day, out of the blue he revealed he was in the midst of processing his emotions. Thankfully on that day I was a soft place to fall ... because I confess I am not always soft!!!!!!!!!!

As I listened I felt guilty. Guilty because I did not recognize or rationalize my husband, the man I share a bed with was hurting. Had I seen tears maybe I would have been alerted! If he refused to get out of bed maybe I would know 'something was wrong'! When his appetite went missing I thought it was 'a bug' making him ill not ever considering he was 'feeling some kind of way'!

I was oblivious. It was easy to be so clueless. Men don't process their emotions like women. With that said, men still do in fact have emotions. Are they equally emotional as us...I have no clue but they feel. If pricked they will bleed.

As a wife I know this is an area I need to improve upon. I need to be more aware of my husband's emotions. Without a doubt I am his cheerleader, I need to be a better friend.A girlfriend of mine was sad the other day, she was sitting at her desk. I saw her countenance and immediately knew something was amiss. Can I confidently tell you I am that aware when my husband walks through the door at the end of each day...yeah if nothing else is going on, but on most days I am distracted by life....'I ain't checking for him'! Damn that's horrible! 

I write this post as a confession. I forget to honor my husband's emotions. His feelings are as real as mine whether they are visible or not. Eric is very attentive to my every inhale, he deserves the same. Maybe yours does too. 

So this evening when your husband walks through the door, when you talk to him on the phone or as he gets dressed in the morning, look at his gait, watch how he moves, listen to his voice, focus on his breathing, examine the bags under his eyes...watch and listen. 

He may need you and you not know.

Until I blog again,
Tiffany 

P.S. "My apologies Nags...."

Married Working Mothers ON THE RUN!

So it’s 2015 and it has been a year since I started my fitness goals and I am proud to say that I have stayed the course. I managed to tick off the mini goals I set for myself and what a great feeling it was!  I admit towards the end of the year, I encountered scheduling challenges as we had to let go our housekeeper and if you know anything about losing a housekeeper you know just how much of a nightmare life can be afterwards…(Yes, I know…I’m #spoiled #firstworldwomanproblems #Iamnotashamed #Ineedhelp #lifeisn'twhatitusedtobe) AND of course we went through the holiday season so we know how that one ends…heehee.

I decided not to run the half marathon (in #marathonbahamas) this year, and unfortunately I don’t really have an excuse why.  But let’s just stick to it being due to scheduling issues.  Last weekend, Sunshine Insurance held its annual Marathon Bahamas here on New Providence island and I saw so many amazing Married Working Mothers posting pictures of completing either the half marathon, relay, or full marathon on Facebook, and it made me think.  Just how many more Married Working Mothers want to make running the half marathon (or marathon if you’re really brave) a goal? Or to simply start running, a goal?

What if we, Married Working Mothers, began a running group?!  No experience needed.  More often than not we all need some inspiration and motivation to reach our goals, especially fitness goals.  Why not create a support group just for that?!!  While the real training for the marathon will begin later on in the year, it is important to just start.  What do you say?!  Make it your goal!  Dedicate at least one day in the week with the intent to add more runs later on.  It’s a great way to kick start any health and fitness goals you may have given yourself for 2015.

If you are interested in joining the MWMs running group, please e-mail us at marriedworkingmothers@gmail.com.  Let's motivate each other!

Signed,

Running still, Candilaria

One Word!

I confess, I did not make any New Years Resolutions. None, no not one! 

Did you?

Honestly my life is too busy. I don't have any available minutes in any of my days to add another task. My 'Guilt-o-meter' is measuring past its maximum capacity, I refuse to add another responsibility to feel guilty about when I fail to to achieve it. Sadly, all of my thoughts are taken, I can't think one more thought, my brain is full! Only pre-existing thoughts are allowed.... Potty training, early school dismissals, body rashes, inappropriate dance moves learned on the playground. 

Chipped nails but they are painted nonetheless...
Jeez my fingers look fat!

And so I have no resolutions. I am not surprised. Two years ago, I only had one resolution. My resolution was to keep my nails painted. Here is a picture of what my nails look like today. I am still attempting to keep that resolution by the skin of my teeth!

Upon returning to work after the Christmas holidays, my administrator (I will love her forever, you know who you are), mandated her staff to choose one word. She emailed a link about a book written by Jon Gordon which suggests a simple act. 

Click on the link below.

http://getoneword.com/todayshow/

For those of you who may not be able to watch the link, the author Jon Gordon suggests we choose one word that will guide all of our actions for the entire year.

Courtesy of www.barnesandnoble.com

Courtesy of itunes.apple.com

It took me a few days but eventually I decided on a word. My word is (insert drum roll here)...

Courtesy of drmsales.com

Courtesy of lowe-mark.co

Like all of you I have many roles. Each one of my roles has many responsibilities. On any given day I am overwhelmed. 

At 4:45 a.m. when my alarm goes off I function in my role as woman. This means I do what it takes to get dressed and look like a woman, hair, makeup, appropriate clothes etc. At 6:00 a.m. I function in my role as a mother by getting the kids up in order to prepare them for school. At 8:00 a.m. I transfer into my role as teacher, specialist team leader, colleague and friend until 3:15 p.m. I look forward to the minutes from 3:15 p.m. to 3:35 p.m.. This is when I enjoy my role as woman as I blast rap music  on the way to picking up my children since this is the only time alone in the car. I satisfy my role as mother and housekeeper until 7:30 p.m. as I balance homework, laundry, sweeping and tidying up. At 9:00 p.m. I muster the energy to perform in my role as wife wondering if I can somehow find more time to be Tiffany the woman! (I need more rap music in my life!)

Clearly my roles aren't going anywhere. And so I decided that instead of dreading the roles just fulfill them....I mean really fulfill them. I fulfill my roles because I try to do what it takes to be a good wife, mother, teacher, colleague etc. but there are days I do it grudgingly. My one word fulfillment means I want to function in each role to the best of my ability until it is time to function in another role. When I am with my husband I want to experience fulfillment as a wife. When I am with my children, I want to feel the rewards of being a mother. When I am at work I want to experience fulfillment as a teacher, truly enjoy the process of teaching and inspiring young minds. And most importantly, when I am alone I want fulfillment as a woman, be Tiffany, have fun with Tiffany.

I summarize this desire with the following poster.

Courtesy of www.motivationblog.org

Whatever I do I want to do it hard!

Click below and dance with me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3QzCWsOdHs

What about you? If you haven't made any resolutions try just one word for one year!

Happy 2015!

Until I blog again, 

Tiffany

P.S. Wiz khalifa has a hot song too.....

What Do You Really Want?

Dear Readers,

Listed below are different scenarios for marriage. As you read, one of these scenarios should describe your present relationship. There are some of us who would not change our current scenario but there are some of us who dream of another scenario. Please read all of the scenarios and make a choice. If you are happy with your present scenario then pick that scenario but if you would like to make a change, then pick the scenario you would like to change to.

For example, I am married with children while both my husband and I are employed. Number 8 is my present scenario. However, I dream of changing that scenario to Number 6!

Choose one...only one!











1. Married without children and not employed while husband employed?
2. Married without children and self employed while husband employed?
3. Married without children while employed and husband not employed?
4. Married without children while both employed?
5. Married with children and not employed while husband employed?
6. Married with children and self employed while husband employed?
7. Married with children while employed and husband not employed?
8. Married with children while both employed?
10. Divorced?
11. Divorced with children?

Instructions:

Respond by clicking on the Post a Comment button below ONLY. Type your age, the number of your present scenario and then the number of the scenario you would change to.  Remember, you may choose your present scenario if you are happy in that scenario.

 For example, I would type the following answer based on my life.
 Age 41, Number 8 to Number 6

No name needed. Let's remain anonymous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(If you respond on our Facebook page we will know who you are....we don't want to know! Please click on the post a comment below and click anonymous.)

Stay tuned for the follow up post based on all of our responses.
Until I blog again,
Tiffany

How we have "Me Time" as Married Working Mothers

How?


Just do it!


1.  Get over the Guilt of wanting to have "me time"...

2.  Next, once you've convinced yourself that you absolutely deserve and NEED this time - PLAN.  This is one we can't escape.  Although I wish all of the planning would be done for me sometimes, the daily routine of life falls on us so it's imperative that we make the necessary steps to make "me time" happen. From deciding what to do and where to go to organising the children and husband.  So we Plan.

And that's it.  It's that simple.  In just two simple steps you could be on your way to enjoying "me time" by yourself or with your girlfriends.


Candilaria and Tiffany's "Me Time"...

Tiffany and I decided that we needed "me time".  We have no qualms about feeling that we deserve it. Nope.  None at all.

It's "Me O'clock"

We planned to become tourists in our own country and embarked on a journey to Blue Lagoon Island.  It had been years and years since either of us had visited the island and were super stoked.


At 8:30 a.m. on a beautiful day we boarded the Dolphin Encounter boat - with some challenges getting there of course but nonetheless we made it.

Top Left - Our view from the boat.;
Top Right - Our first "Usie" for the day
Bottom Left - Tiffany and I with our drinks and bartender, David;
Bottom Right - We rigged up a little morning drink. Nothing like a Mimosa to kick off the day!

Welcome to Blue Lagoon!  We picked an awesome spot to cop a squat.  We lounged, we explored, we talked, we laughed, we swam, we read, we slept.  It was a perfect day.

Our colourful cups that contained the right kind of drink we needed and allowed us to have those "sweet naps" throughout the day :) 

We were having such a great time, somehow we missed our boat back. Hmmmm...not sure how that happened.  So what did we do?  Nothing.  We hung out some more. We ended up hitching a ride on the boat that transports the employees back and forth!

We topped the day off by meeting up with another absolutely fabulous Married Working Mother and the day "me time" turned into night "me time".  When I arrived home, my children were tucked in bed and fast asleep and my husband was very thankful for the day I had (wink wink).  And so was I.

Before I end this post I must share a story.  

While swimming/floating in the crystal clear waters at Blue Lagoon the most terrifying thing that could ever happen to a married woman happened.  I lost my wedding band! I felt it slip from my finger as we were swimming back to shore.  The terror on my face signalled to Tiffany that something was wrong. I became paralysed. After my freak out session, bystanders made their way over to us to see if they could assist.  A gentleman with the use of a Lifeguard's goggles dove in search for Mr. Thompson's wife's ONE good ring. Like so many women who lost their rings to the ocean I was hoping that I was the exception.  That my ring would be found.  And....

He found it!!!!!!!  Eric (pictured below) found my ring.  All was right with the world once again and I resumed to my "me time".

"Me Time" has become our favourite topic because we know how much we need it.  How much women need it.  As we mentioned during our presentation at The Pretty Brown Girl Bahamas Conference in May, we consider ourselves experts on the subject matter and we are here to show you how you can do it too!  We are here to help you. :) :)


How important are you to yourself?!  

Where are you on your own priority list? 

Make the time for you. Everyone around you including YOU will thank you for it. 



Signed, 

I (Heart) "Me Time", Candilaria