What really happened when I left my job


I resigned from my job last year May.  Mainly because I wanted more. Not more as in a higher position and more money, but more out of my life. 

picture courtesy of thefertilechickonline.com 

I had a decent job. Well paid. Flexible. And most days were pretty "even steven" (in other words, stable and consistent). I was comfortable.

I needed a change. I wanted to create a life and business I loved. 
I just happen to be home while doing it.

The feelings I had leaving my job then were many different things. But little did I know, the feelings I would have months and months after, realizing what leaving entailed, and how much the thoughts and comments of others would affect me. All of which weighed heavy on me.

Not everyone is going to support you. Not everyone is going to have something nice to say. Not everyone will understand your actions. People will talk about you. People will try to talk you out of it.

Why?

Could it be the lack of understanding? And generally from a cultural standpoint, this is not something we do. 

"Say, what?! Quit ya good paying job to go 'fluff' 'bout?! You musse crazy, eh!" 

Or could it be the fact that some would simply love to do what I am crazy enough to do? Just maybe.

I've been pigeon holed into categories such as, "Stay at Home Mom", "Woman of Leisure", "Homemaker", "House Manager", etc., the list goes on. I would be lying if I didn't say those words bothered me. Not because those roles aren't valuable but because it's just not everything I am trying to accomplish. I do spend more time at home. I do spend more time with the kids. I do have a bit more time for other activities. But I am also not limited to those roles either. I felt the need to constantly defend my choices until I caught myself. To who? And for what?!

I guess people have a natural tendency to categorize others when we have a hard time understanding (because everyone needs a label, right?!) someone's actions that don't make sense to us. Someone who has decided to pursue something outside of the 9am - 5pm. Even more so when that someone doesn't yet know what direction they are heading in and just for a time, they just want to be.
And I've never felt more alone.

I'm not here to pit a debate between one or the other. The old time debate between one who works a 9pm-5pm versus one who doesn't (Whether she/he is building something on her/his own or stays at home). 

For me, it's more of discontinuing the habit to label something we do not understand. Once you begin to label, you start down the slippery slope of judging. Judging then leads to unwarranted comments and that helps no one. Unfortunately, we are all guilty of it. We are entitled to our own opinions and perspectives, but we are not entitled to project them onto someone else.

Funny thing is, it's not like I've never worked a day in my life! But for whatever reason, the minute I left it was as if I could no longer relate to those that were working on someone else's time!

I'm not doing anything extraordinary or something that hasn't been done before. But I may be a bit more courageous than most by standing out on this lonely limb. 

So, my advice for those that are thinking about leaving their jobs or will be leaving their jobs soon is this...

1. It's okay to not know what exactly you are pursuing. For some, there is an immediate plan. For others, space and an undecided amount time is needed for them to figure it out. 
2. Try not to be affected by what others think you are doing or NOT doing. There is no need to explain anything. It is not for them to understand. 
3. Use this time to get back in touch with yourself. Re-discover yourself!
4. Those things you liked doing as a child all the time. Do them. Do them often. You have no clue what ideas can come out of them. 
5. Beware. You will have many lows. You will second guess yourself. Have mini depressions and breakdowns. It's all a part of the journey.
6. There will be many times when you want to say "fuck it, I need a job". Don't give in to that voice. 
**Unless, you discover that working for yourself isn't the path for you and you prefer something more stable and look for a job. That's okay too! It's not a failure.** 
7. Your children (and spouse) will think you are there to cater to their every need because "mummy doesn't have a job for real".
8. Set boundaries for your time. No one will value it if you don't. As far as they are concerned you are always accessible and can do whatever they need you to do at a drop of a hat.
9. Decide immediately that you will enjoy the journey no matter what happens. Good and the bad. Very important.
10. Keep working at it. The more you do, the more confident in your choice you become!

You've made the best decision for you which hopefully will not only benefit you, but your family as well. You should never have to apologize for or explain the decisions you make for yourself and family.  

Signed, 
#IDoItMyWay, Candilaria 

#JudgeLess 

#JudgeYaMa (LOL, I couldn't resist. Int'l peeps, it's a very Bahamian expression)


The Missing Gender Equality Bill


 picture courtesy of CEO Magazine, Emma Watson

Here in The Bahamas, we are involved in a gender equality battle that has lasted more than 40 years.  A referendum was conducted in 2002 where the majority of the Bahamian people that voted, voted "No" to all Gender Equality bills. Yes, yes, I know.  I can't believe it either.

It's now 2016, and all eyes are on the upcoming referendum with the amended Bills (2014). It is now a serious call to action. A gender-focused call to action to help accelerate the need to institute full equality between men and women in matters of citizenship and, more broadly, to eliminate discrimination in The Bahamas based on sex. 

First, allow me to bring our International readers up to speed.

On March 2, our Members of Parliament voted yes (for the second time) and passed four amended Gender Equality Bills. The communication to the House of Assembly by The Prime Minister & Minister of Finance and Member for Centerville (constituency) plainly explains each bill as follows...


Bill # 1: The Bahamas Constitution (Amendment) Bill, 2014

This bill seeks to give a child born outside The Bahamas to a Bahamian-born mother and non-Bahamian father the same automatic right to Bahamian citizenship that the Constitution already gives to a child born outside of The Bahamas to a Bahamian-born father and a non-Bahamian mother. 

Bill # 2: The Bahamas Constitution (Amendment) (No. 2) Bill, 2014

This bill seeks to enable a Bahamian woman who marries a foreign man to secure for him the same access to Bahamian citizenship that a Bahamian man has always enjoyed under the Constitution in relation to his foreign spouse.

Bill # 3 : The Bahamas Constitution (Amendment) (No.3) Bill, 2014

At present, an unwed Bahamian father cannot pass his citizenship to a child born to a foreign woman. A right that a Bahamian woman has always had under the Constitution in relation to a child born to her out of wedlock.
See there. Gender equality does not only mean for women. Both men and women ought to enjoy the same privileges! 
Bill # 4: The Bahamas Constitution (Amendment) (No. 4) Bill, 2014

This bill seeks to end the discrimination based on sex. This involves the insertion of the word "sex" in Article 26 of the Constitution so as to make it unconstitutional to discriminate based on whether someone is male or female.


BUT wait, they missed Bill No. 5


Huh?! What Bill No.5 you ask?


This Bill....

Bill # 5: The Bahamas Constitution (No. 5) Bill, 2016

This bill seeks to create gender equality WITHIN THE HOME.  This involves an equal division of household duties and interaction with the children. No chore or task should be expected to be carried out by any gender in particular. Get 'er done. If ya husband arrives home before you then he should begin dinner (or prepare food of some sort), bathe the children, and assist with the freakin' homework. Women, take out the garbage, mow the lawn, and replace the damn light bulb.

See there. Gender equality does not only mean for women. Both men and women ought to enjoy the same privileges!

You see, if we are going to fight for equal rights, it should be across the board and it ought to start in the home. Don't you think? As it stands, I imagine women have to negotiate the "terms" of running the household with their husbands. Negotiate what they need "assistance" with household chores and with the children. For example, why isn't it an automatic thing for the man to wake up in the morning and get the children up and ready for school? For the men that do it, is it in fact an automatic behaviour of yours or is it due to the negotiations with the wife? I would like feedback on that.

I figure, if we want to see true change in equality between men and women, it begins within the four walls of your home. Children watch and learn from us parents.  They witness first hand which tasks "belong" to who and will carry that with them into adulthood. The cycle then continues.

Gone are the days of women trying to be Superwoman or She-Ra, whichever you prefer. Glorifying the fact that I can "bare the children then get back to business" (said in my hardest Beyonce voice ever). It is a fallacy. You will run yourself right into the ground. Guaranteed. And that ain't cute nor healthy.


Husbands, I ask you this...

What task(s) are you NOT doing simply because you automatically expect/think/believe your wife will handle it?

Women, this is a two way street. We can't expect to be treated equally if we are not willing to accept and do certain tasks we feel (and expect) are the duties of a man. It doesn't work that way, eh? 

Wives, I ask you this...


What task(s) are you NOT doing simply because you automatically expect/think/believe your husband will handle it?

So, let's start doing them. If these tasks weren't on your radar before, let's be more conscious about them and DO IT! Over and over and over. Practice makes perfect! Soon our actions will become automatic and allow for the clearly defined lines of gender roles to crawl in a dark hole and die.

Emma Watson said "Gender equality not only liberates women but also men from prescribed gender stereotypes." We must continue the fight outside of the home by all means but let's admit it,  

Gender equality begins at home!


Signed, 
#VoteYesBahamas to everything...(including No. 5 hehe), Candilaria









The Power of...The Vagina


Part Four & Final Part of the #ILoveMyVagina Series



The power that I speak of is not the controlling kind of power. Nope, not the power to "control" your partner to get them to do what you want becoming disillusioned or consumed by the cookie. Also, not the power of men feeling they need to "own" it.

The power I speak of is the culmination of the previous parts of this series, 

The need for women to have power over their vaginas.

While it does not define us, I cannot help but to say that the vagina is THE most sacred, MOST exclusive and unique characteristic that sets us apart from men. 

For far too long we've allowed our vaginas to be defined by others. "Others" meaning men AND even other women. From the way it smells, the feeling of shame that comes with touching it, the way it looks, to ultimately what we thing about it. In many ways this convolutes what our personal preferences really are, preventing us from discovering what we like for ourselves.

Remember, take your time. Get to know it. It's naturally yours.


We HAVE to intimately know this part of our bodies because it is THE most central part of womanhood. 

For that reason, it is imperative that we take the power back and demand the respect both men AND women ought to have towards the vessel of life! A woman's relationship with her vagina could change her life. Take control of, embrace, and harness your sexuality and even more powerful... 

Knowing, learning and eventually loving your vagina is a pathway for you to tap into your courage, your dreams, your power, and your destiny.


Sincerely, 
#ILoveMyVagina, Candilaria








International Women's Day 2016





Today is March 8, and it's International Women's Day! A global day celebrating the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women.

The website for International Women's Day describes the meaning of this day as...


"International Women's Day means different things to different people. For some it's a celebration, for others it's a call to action to accelerate gender parity, and for many it's an opportunity to align and promote relevant activity. Whatever your objective, International Women's Day is the perfect moment for gender-focused action."

The campaign theme for this year is to accelerate gender parity, #PledgeForParity. Parity is the state or condition of being equal, especially as it regards to status or pay. 

Women all around the world are battling for and/or celebrating different things and for different reasons. But not to worry, whether you are fighting that courageous fight towards gender equality or simply celebrating the empowersome woman you are, Married Working Mothers raises a glass (or many) to all of you!

Continue to change the world!



Signed, 
Happy #InternationalWomensDay

Candi + Tiffany









Winners of the February Give-A-Way


First and foremost, we would like to thank all of those that participated in the Married Working Mothers February Give-A-Way!


If you didn't see it on our Facebook page the winners are....


Keshala Knowles, winner of the 60 minute coaching session with Kaylus is.

L-R - Tiffany Hall, Keshala Knowles, and Candi Thompson

And Wendy Ferguson-Newbold of the thirty minute coaching session with Kaylus.


L-R - Tiffany Hall, Wendy Ferguson-Newbold, Candi Thompson

Congratulations ladies!!!!!  Stay tuned for the next giveaway! 

Married Working Mothers helping other married working mothers to perhaps make life a bit easier!


Signed, 
Candi + Tiffany

What does yours look like...Yes, your Vajayjay!

Part Three of the #ILoveMyVagina Series


Well, go ahead have a look. 

Take your camera phone (cuz who uses mirrors anymore...geesh),

Relax and get comfy, 

and snapSHOT that pu**y 
(notice, I did not say "snapCHAT that pu**y" becuz that  ♫♫ "goes down in the DM" ♫♫...KIDDING!). 

Take a good look at it. I'll wait.......


All done? What do you think? Some of the responses may surprise you...


Unfortunately, the majority of women think the appearance of their vagina isn't very appealing. Some may even go as far as to describe it using words like horrible or disgusting. Really?!

A quick FYI for today's post; We tend to refer to both the internal and the external genitals of the lower region as the vagina. However, when we talk about the external appearance of the "vagina" what we are really referring to are the size, shape, colour, etc. of the Vulva. The vulva includes the mons pubis (pubic mound, aka the top piece lol), the outer and inner lips, the clitoris, and the external openings of the urethra and vagina. But for ease and for this series I will continue to use the word vagina to describe it all.

So, I want you to check this out...

A gallery of vagina.


Sculpture done by artist, Jamie McCartney, The Great Wall of Vagina


You already looked for one similar to yours, didn't you? LOL. It's okay, I did the same! But look at that. Vaginas of all shapes and sizes and they are all beautiful. This wall of vagina obviously does not depict ALL the vaginas in the world so please don't get bent out of shape if you don't see one quite like yours.

Women, vaginas vary from woman to woman just as any other part of our bodies. 


There is no specific way for your vagina to look. 

The most visible part of your vagina are your labia (outer and inner lips). They can be thin, fat, not there at all, short, or long. For some the inner lips may stick out from the outer lips. The color of the skin of the labia maybe the same tone as your skin, but sometimes it is darker, or even lighter. The left lip may be juicier than the right lip, asymmetrical, just like your breasts.

And let's talk about the amazing little "pink canoe" aka the clitoris (which should be your favorite part for obvious reasons. Do people realize its only purpose is for pleasure?!). Also, did you know that 3/4 of this organ is under your skin?! This little critter of fun can range in length from 1/4 inch to 1 1/4 inch and can be small and hidden or large and hang.

I've read about Vagina Rejuvenation (which is essentially a facelift for your vagina). Ughhhh....and you know what, it evokes the same thoughts I have about what I mentioned in part one of this series. The fact that women will not only go to great unncessary lengths for the "perfect" scent but will do the same to achieve the "perfect" looking punani. For what? For who?


Fu*k that.

Give yourself some love and let go of all the negative thoughts you have towards it. Hey, take pictures even. But make sure you keep them in your own private stash!!! LOL


It's naturally yours and it's naturally beautiful!

Smell it.

Touch it.

Look at it. 

Admire it. 

LOVE IT!



If you missed the first parts one and two of the #ILoveMyVagina series, please click on the links below:

Part One - What is your vagina supposed to smell like...

Part Two - Ladies, do you touch it....



Signed,

#IThinkMyPussyIsPretty, Candilaria


#ILoveMyVagina





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