Do you touch your #VAGINA?!

Welcome to PART TWO of the #ILoveMyVagina Series

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So, for my International gals, another name for your vagina here in The Bahamas is crabbie. Even that word has its own variations, i.e. crab. Anyhoo, let's not veer too far off topic but I wanted to quickly touch on it so you can toss that name on over to the other 238 existing names, make it 239. You learn something new every day, eh!

The kind of touching your vagina I'm talking about isn't the regular day-to-day touching, like when you're in the shower cleaning it or when you have to insert a tampon during your period (and for ya'll who frowning their faces at the word tampon, I gat something for ya'll for another time). No, I'm not talking about that kind of touch.

Do you take your finger (better yet two) and insert them into your lovebox (or apply them to your "clit"oris) and give yourself an orgasm for the heck of it. No, not your partner doing it for you, YOU doing it for YOURSELF?! 

Do you pleasure YOURSELF by masturbating?

I see you looking all bewildered and stuff. I know what you're thinking.  "Why on earth do I need to play with myself, I have a man, thank you?!"  My answer to that is...

Why on earth would you not?! It's YOUR vagina, isn't it?

Masturbation has long been a topic that women, in particular, do not discuss.  Perhaps because of the embarrassing nature it's carried for women for such a long time. Why is it okay and accepted to know that around say 12 years old a young boy is allowed (even expected) to "jake his snake" while the girls are left to feel ashamed and it become something we just don't talk about. Do they not experience the same feelings and raging hormones as their male counterparts? It's no wonder why men are seemingly more comfortable with their bodies than us women. They are allowed to explore themselves! **Side note - who makes this topic uncomfortable for who though? Is it men or is it the women? Interesting thought. Carry on.**

I'm not saying that women do not masturbate at all, since, according to research, women 18 and older have done it at least once (see what I mean, do girls really only start at 18?) but how often do they do it? For the majority, not a lot. Once married probably not at all ("Because I gat a man!"). Crazy, huh?! I guarantee your male partner is doing it even with having a healthy sex life with you (according to your relationship). Whether you know about it or not. 

Solo sex comes in a couple of practices. You can stimulate yourself solely with finger penetration (Yes, there are women out there that can have an orgasm with only penetration! Which is only a mere 24% of women btw. Lucky mofos.) or you can give yourself an orgasm by direct stimulation of the clitoris. Some women masturbate manually while others prefer to use toys like the bullet (I highly recommend this little pocket rocket of goodness). 

Masturbation offers quite a few benefits. Well, let's see...

1. It can be used as a natural way to gain some relief from a headache. If at the office, sneak a quick bathroom break.
2. Recent studies suggest that cervical infections can be reduced by frequent masturbation. That's pretty important, isn't it?
3. It releases the same happy chemicals as sex. Who doesn't like HAPPY.
4. It's practice for when you perform it for your partner. Which he/she would absolutely love btw. 
5. You become more comfortable with your body. And what woman doesn't want that?
6. It can ease menstrual cramps. No need to medicate!
7. Multiple orgasms. Enough said.
8. It relieves stress.
9. It helps to put you to sleep. 

And THE MOST important, masturbation helps you to....

10. Enjoy YOUR sexuality. Own YOUR sexuality. YOUR OWN WAY.

Get to know YOUR body and what it likes. You shouldn't have to decide what you like based on only what others have exposed you to. Frankly, if you don't know what excites you then how do you expect your partner to know? It's 2016 people, first and foremost, YOU are responsible for YOUR sexuality! 

#ITouchMyCrabbie (often...hehe), Candilaria

Support the #ILoveMyVagina Series!


Part 1 - #ILoveMyVagina Series

Okay, so The Vagina is a hot topic. I Googled how many different names we call it and the number is up to 238. That's damn ridiculous! It's simply a topic that everyone LOVES to talk about. From the thickness (or lack thereof) of the labia (aka "lips"), the texture, whether it sports the puff or is lasered smooth, to of course the way it smells.

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I remember having a conversation about vagina in the office I used to work in and one of my coworkers (and friend, you know who you are...LOL) smirked with confidence and advised that her vagina "smells like flowers". Well, I couldn't help but to break out into roaring laughter. Not only because of what she was saying but because my friend is a funny gal. I asked her if that was the case ALL the time. She closed her eyes and answered, "why yes". 

Truly, I never quite heard someone say that before until then.  However, since then, I keep hearing the same thing over and over from numerous women. Women want their vagina's to smell good. I get it. But to smell like a bed of roses? That's NOT what vagina is supposed to smell like! What is it supposed to smell like you ask?

Vagina is supposed to smell like, well, VAGINA...better yet YOUR VAGINA!

There is a difference between wanting it to smell and feel fresh (free from sweat) than wanting that freshness to smell like a meadow filled with gardenias. It's important to keep in mind that the smell can come in a range of smells and it changes not only with the woman but also the things women do. It's unnerving to listen to what great lengths women will go to to ensure their "pussy" smells great. **Can women please stop douching, it does more harm than good by messing with the balance of good and bad bacteria** The smell  changes depending on where you are at in your menstrual cycle (please step away from the damn scented pads and tampons!). Some women have a naturally strong scent while others have no scent. Strong scents do not equate to bad scent. 

We must accept our scent.

I also understand that while it's not supposed to smell like fresh cut flowers it's also not supposed to smell like Potter's Cay dock or your local fish market either (which I recommend a quick visit to your GYN if it does).

Let the inside take care of itself and concentrate on the outside. To clean the outside of your vagina, all it needs is some nice warm water. That's it! If you insist on using soap find a very mild one. One that will not interfere with the natural pH balance (personally, I insist that you keep it as natural as possible and nix the soap). Let's also keep in mind that the glands near the vagina secretes pheromones that are meant to attract your partner. You don't want to mask those by deodorizing it, do you? Think about it. This is one of the most the ways your partner will EVER experience YOU in your purest, most natural state. What an incredible thought!

I'm a natural gal. I allow my vagina to do it's job. The vagina is wonderfully and beautifully amazing and it really doesn't need much intervention. If it's not doing so well, it WILL let you know. 

Trust your vagina.

#ILoveMyVagina, Candilaria

P.S - Share this with your daughters! (age appropriate of course!)

The Rhythm Is Gonna Get You!

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What is this complicated contraption? No seriously what's with all the letters, numbers and colour codes?

Developed by John C. Rock ’15, M.D. ’18,  a professor of gynecology and a practicing Roman Catholic who taught clinical obstetrics at Harvard Medical School (HMS), Rock believed couples should have children but they should also have the ability to stop. 

He developed the Rythmeter (circa 1944) a family planning device based on the Rhythm Method.

Family planning devices don't look like this today. There are many apps to support women who choose to use the rhythm method. Don't believe me, go to your app store and search rhythm method apps. You can track your menstrual cycle for free. Thank goodness! Imagine deciphering the Rythmeter! 

But what is the Rhythm Method?

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So how does it work? Here is how it works for me. Yes I have been a Rhythm Method Radical since 2002!

My old-fashion hard copy calendar!

Tiffany's Monthly Routine

Step One: The day my period comes I count the days from my last period. I write this number down on the date and circle it. Referring to the image of my calendar above, my period came on January 4. It was 32 days from my last period in December.

Step Two: Starting with the first day of my period, I count the days until I get to number 11. On whatever date I get to the number 11, I draw an arrow to mark the first day of my Ovulation Period.  Referring to the image above, the first day of ovulation is January 14th. I keep counting on until I get to the number 18.  I draw another arrow to mark the last day of my Ovulation Period.  For this month, the last day of ovulation is January 21st.  I write OVULATION PERIOD in between the arrows.

Step Three: I inform my husband of the dates for my ovulation period. Well not really. These days Eric already knows. Why is this important? Well he has to know during this week there will be no sex. NO BABYMAKING ACTIVITIES! None. NO VOTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Step Four: I wait patiently for my period to arrive. The day it comes I start counting again from the last day of my ovulation period which was day 18.  I keep counting 19, 20, 21, until I get to that date my period came. Normally that number is between 28 and 33.

This image shows my period came on February 4. Hence why you see the number 32 in a circle and the words Period Comes on that date. It is at this time I start the process all of over again to calculate my ovulation period for the month of February!

3 Reasons the Rhythm Method works for me!

1. My menstrual period is very regular.
2. My fortitude not to get pregnant is strong.
3. My husband's fortitude to not get pregnant is stronger.

Just like many of you I have used several birth control methods of the years. The birth control pill was my preferred choice for at least ten years. In 2002 after a major life crisis I was unemployed. I was no longer on the pill. I stumbled upon an article which peaked my interest. I researched the process and started tracking. It was during this time I became in tune with my body.

You see, during my ovulation period my body comes alive. The process of ovulation is when an egg is released from my ovary. My body has a plan for 'Ella the Egg'! Little does Ella know but 'Mr. Sperm the Worm' could possibly be in search of her.  My body can't control when Sperm the Worm will appear so it gets ready every month just in case.

How does my body prepare for Sperm the Worm? Well honey chile .... it is the greatest week to be a woman! I know for a fact I behave like a baby magnet. I dress sexier, I walk differently. I am all over Eric. I am generally more social as my body seeks the owner of Sperm The Worm! The mission is simple during ovulation, 'find a man to give you sperm to fertilize an egg'!

According to the website, the signs of ovulation are as follows;

  • Changes in cervical mucus-Cervical mucus is the discharge that you see in your knickers or on toilet tissue when you go for a wee.
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  • An ache in your belly- About a fifth of women can actually feel something happening in their ovaries around ovulation. This can range from mild achiness to twinges of pain (Vorvick and Storck 2009). Some women feel ovulation as one-sided backache or a tender area. The condition, called mittelschmerz, may last anywhere from a few minutes to a few days.

  • Feeling sexy- Feeling sexy, flirty and more sociable may all be signs that you're at your most fertile (Haselton and Gangestad 2006).

An ovulating Tiffany

  • Looking and feeling great: you're likely to feel more physically attractive as you near ovulation (Gangestad and Thornhill 2008: 996). You may be more attractive to others, too (Haselton et al 2007, Durante et al 2008). Without realising it, you may choose clothes that flatter you.

  • Scent of a woman: you smell good at this time. Your body odour is more pleasant and sexy to men around the time you're fertile (Gangestad and Thornhill 2008: 996). You may think that nobody knows you're ovulating, but those natural scents may give the game away.

 Have you experienced any of these symptoms? I guarantee you have!

Once I tracked my body, truly paid attention to my body I realized there were two special weeks in every month. The first week I felt like an extraordinary woman. The second week was my menstrual period without fail. It is for this very reason getting pregnant was successful. By the time Eric and I decided to try to get pregnant, we knew the week to try to procreate. I also knew when I was pregnant without having to take a pregnancy test. With both children, when day 35, 36,37 rolled around with no period when it should have arrived by day 33 the latest, I knew it was time for a test.

I am thankful for a regular period! I know there are many women who are not. I know my experience is not to be taken for granted.

Why is the Rhythm method beneficial to me now? No I did not get my tubes tied! No I do not use any birth control drugs or devices! I know right!!!!

Whisky Tango  Foxtrot!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Truth be told I tried the birth control shot after my first child!
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Worst decision ever! After Channing's first month of life I was determined not to have another child! One and done! I took this shot but then blew up to a size I have never been in my life. After my second child I refused any birth control and returned to my rhythm method.


1. It has worked for me for over ten years
2. I am married to a man that respects the method.
3. It is free!
4. My body is free and clear of chemicals.
5. I love the feeling of being in tuned with my body!

Are you tired of your birth control method? Are you regular? Want to try something different? Are you a disciplined individual? Is your husband as disciplined as you? Research the Rhythm Method! At a minimum download an app to track your period. It will come in handy for you at your next annual checkup when you are asked when was your last period!
Until I am sexy again,

Good Parent vs. Bad Parent?

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Are you a good or bad parent?

Your seven year old child loses a ribbon from a school competition. 

Do you ask the teacher for a replacement?

Here is a list of reasons for asking for a replacement ribbon.
1. Your child is sad.
2. Your child wants their ribbon.
3. You are a scrapbooker.
4. You are building a portfolio for your child.
5. You like ribbons, blue ones, red ones, yellow ones...
6. You believe a bully stole the ribbon.
7. Your child's self-esteem is based on building  a large
    collection of ribbons.
8. Your self-esteem as a parent is based
       on your ability to prevent sadness
   and ensure happy living.
9. You wish you were awarded a ribbon to make up for
    that time in band camp when you lost 'best band
    performer' to that mean girl Becky who grew up to steal
    your high school boyfriend and best friend in college and
    is now your child's school principal.
10. You want to take a picture to post on FaceBook because
    it is a known fact all family pictures on FaceBook
    signifies you are better than all your friends who can't
    post pictures as beautiful, accomplished and as perfect as
    yours. A picture with a ribbon is like gold on FaceBook!

Poor baby is reaching for ducky!

Here is a list of reasons for not asking for a replacement ribbon.
1. It's a ribbon!
2. Your house has enough child related clutter!
3. A ribbon reminds you of the fact you aren't a perfect
   parent compared to all of your friends who portray their
   perfect life on Facebook.
4. It's a ribbon!
5. Your child misplaced the ribbon, not you!
6. You are afraid if you replace this
  ribbon you will be responsible for 
  replacing everything your child ever
  loses anything in life!
7. Your child misplaced the ribbon, not you!
8. Is it really that serious? The ribbon will only exist in a
   book your child will not look at again until twenty-five
   years of age. (Unless you have a ribbon display case!!!!)
9. Your child misplaced the ribbon, not you!
10. It's a ribbon!

Have you thought of your answer? What would you do? WWYD?

Don't answer yet!

Since this is my post I will answer. Let's pretend my best good daughter misplaced her ribbon. What would I do?


I propose the following conversation....

CHANNING: "Mummy I lost my ribbon from school!"
ME: "Okay! Are you sad?"
CHANNING: "Yes... I really wish I had my ribbon!"
                 (Insert tears here!)
MUMMY: "I'm sorry. Where was the last place you saw your
CHANNING: "At school."
MUMMY: "Did you secure it? Did you put it in your desk
           or bag?"
CHANNING: "Umm..!"
MUMMY: "That sounds like a no! Well the moral of the story
           is take care of your ribbons. The next time you get
           a ribbon put it in your desk or bag!"

Would I be a bad parent or a good parent?
Should I be more sympathetic?!

What are your thoughts?
Ask for a replacement or accept the loss? As a teacher and parent there is so much more I can write about this topic but I would love to hear from you!

Until I blog again,
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