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Way back in 1996, without any notice I checked into a hotel for the night after an intense argument. (This was while we were dating .....yes I was shacking up!) I returned home the next day to a boyfriend giving me the silent treatment. In the days that followed we eventually starting speaking but we never discussed my field trip to The Hilton!
After my marriage dissolved and we were living in two separate states , my ex husband was in my city for a visit. He bumped into me at a club, I was looking sexy as ever which led him to give me a call. He invited me to the movies. Of course I went. Afterwards, I dropped him to his hotel. While sitting in the parking lot, five years later in 2001, this man opened his heart to share his hurt over my choice to leave our apartment in 1996. He had never forgiven me for leaving him. FIVE YEARS LATER......SERIOUSLY!
I thought women held grudges?!! Apparently we aren't the only ones!
Despite this revelation being five years late, it was very sincere. I remember gazing at my ex husband in amazement. He was hurt all this time? I hurt his feelings? He didn't seem hurt... angry but not hurt! I know I know I know, anger is an emotion but I was 23 years old at the time. At 42 I know now that anger is repressed hurt. Anger is an emotion!
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Fast forward to today to my marriage. My husband is presently 'going through some things' that were not caused by me! As events unfolded he continued to function. He worked, he smiled, he walked, he smiled; to any onlooker including me he looked fine.
Until one day, out of the blue he revealed he was in the midst of processing his emotions. Thankfully on that day I was a soft place to fall ... because I confess I am not always soft!!!!!!!!!!
As I listened I felt guilty. Guilty because I did not recognize or rationalize my husband, the man I share a bed with was hurting. Had I seen tears maybe I would have been alerted! If he refused to get out of bed maybe I would know 'something was wrong'! When his appetite went missing I thought it was 'a bug' making him ill not ever considering he was 'feeling some kind of way'!
I was oblivious. It was easy to be so clueless. Men don't process their emotions like women. With that said, men still do in fact have emotions. Are they equally emotional as us...I have no clue but they feel. If pricked they will bleed.
As a wife I know this is an area I need to improve upon. I need to be more aware of my husband's emotions. Without a doubt I am his cheerleader, I need to be a better friend.A girlfriend of mine was sad the other day, she was sitting at her desk. I saw her countenance and immediately knew something was amiss. Can I confidently tell you I am that aware when my husband walks through the door at the end of each day...yeah if nothing else is going on, but on most days I am distracted by life....'I ain't checking for him'! Damn that's horrible!
I write this post as a confession. I forget to honor my husband's emotions. His feelings are as real as mine whether they are visible or not. Eric is very attentive to my every inhale, he deserves the same. Maybe yours does too.
So this evening when your husband walks through the door, when you talk to him on the phone or as he gets dressed in the morning, look at his gait, watch how he moves, listen to his voice, focus on his breathing, examine the bags under his eyes...watch and listen.
He may need you and you not know.
Until I blog again,
Tiffany
P.S. "My apologies Nags...."
So this evening when your husband walks through the door, when you talk to him on the phone or as he gets dressed in the morning, look at his gait, watch how he moves, listen to his voice, focus on his breathing, examine the bags under his eyes...watch and listen.
He may need you and you not know.
Until I blog again,
Tiffany
P.S. "My apologies Nags...."
1 comment:
Men seem to mask well. Or so it seems to me. I am wondering if I too miss moments to notice when my husband has the blues.
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