Books of Life!

my journals
Raise your hand if you had a diary when you were a teenager? Remember the diaries with keys and combination locks? Sigh... the secrets I shared with my friend Diary.
As an adult my friendship is still alive but with Diary's cousin Journal. I am a journal junkie.

I wonder why? Hmmm...

Well it has to do something with the fact I can be quite the loner through no fault of my own. I don't have any sisters. I grew up with an entourage of boys. The only women in my family are my grandmother, mother and aunts and one distant female cousin, but once again through no fault of my own was too far away with miles of factors hindering our relationship. This means I clocked many hours in my bedroom alone with my own little girl thoughts.

What does a girl do? Thank goodness my mother had the wisdom to gift me with a diary. As a teenager I giggled with Diary. I cried with Diary. I grew up with Diary.

At 43 years of age I am all grown up allegedly. Diary is gone but Journal is my new friend. I have pretty girlie girl journals fashioned with shiny and ambient colours and beautiful graphics. (I know some of you recognize that gratitude journal!)

While on the other hand I also have journals which are raw and basic. What you see is what you get journals as shown below. These 'salt and pepper' journals have been my friends for the last few years. No lock, no key! Enter at your own risk...

What do I write about you may be wondering? Ha! What don't I write about? My journals are my thoughts, feelings, questions, issues, celebrations, memories and joys.
My journal reveals me! Just like a best friend who knows everything about you, my journals know everything about Tiffany.

I celebrate me in my journal. I celebrate my girlfriends by saving tidbits about them. I celebrate my daughter as she writes me notes. My journal is the ultimate safe for cards, photos, wrappers, ticket stubs. I can document my entire relationship with my husband with the contents in these journals. If it is meaningful I keep it.

A note from my daughter Channing, a photo from a friend's housewarming!

This airline ticket from 2002 was monumental! Why do I have the wrapper from the last Deprovera Birth Control Shot? ( Did anyone else get fat from this?) Kaylus do you recognize anything in this photo?

My Wisconsin Driver's License. Why do I still have this? Got to have Milwaukee Memories in the house!

Truth be told my journals also get me through the rough times. On New Year's Eve night my husband stopped abruptly at our bedroom door. He froze. I was sitting on my bed with my journal after a year and a half hiatus. His face was sullen, oh no, Tiffany has her journal! Eric knows when he has seen this in the past it has always been a clear indication I was processing something.
Below are my somber somewhat thought provoking journal entries. One time ago before children when I had endless time and energy I recycled my magazines. A great journaling session was a pair of scissors, a magazine, a gluestick, my journal and a glass of wine. It was therapeutic to browse through a magazine until I came across an image which touched my soul. I'd adhere them to my blank pages and write my thoughts. Catharsis!

As you can see I have lots of words within me. Lots, lots and lots!!!!
I guess these days many people express their thoughts on Social Media. Me, not so much.

'Men have feelings about there (oops I spelled their incorrectly) marriage.' YUP! I wrote this after my first marriage.
Sigh... My first husband appeared to be emotionless but I later learned not so much. He had them all bottled inside.
He should have had a journal!


Look closely at this last image. Not sure why I have these flowers but that is a piece of aluminum foil glued into my journal. Look even closer. Inside are ashes from a burnt piece of paper.

I can recall sitting in my guest bedroom feeling heavy. I had an intense writing session then tore out the paper and burnt my words. Watching the paper crumble did wonders that day. Tell Elsa from the Disney movie Frozen this is how you truly 'Let It Go'!

Well folks, this was my last journal entry for 2015. A dear friend (wink wink maid of honor) gave me this card. The words are so fitting. 'She laughed and said to her dear friend...'
I have been on a hiatus from my dear friend Journal. In 2016 I am reuniting with my friend. At 43 years of age, I don't write Dear Diary as I did when I was a teenager. My journal entries are my prayers to yet another dear friend.
Dear Lord...
Bless Candi's heart, she has heard the brunt of my thoughts from 2015, well 2016 too. Before she labels me melodramatic, negative, miserable and an overall sad bitch, it is time for me to upload to my Lord. He can handle it! (Psst. Candi loves me too much to call me any of those names!)
Do you keep a journal or a scrapbook? Cool beans. I encourage all of you to foster your habits which aid to the healing of your soul.
Channing's godmother bought my daughter Channing her very first journal (thank you Goddie Antja). As I return to my friend this year my goal is to encourage Channing to develop her friendship with her journal. It just may be her bff too!
I will give Channing my journals one day. I pray she reads them. There will be no better way for her to get to know her mother, Tiffany the woman, than for her to read my words written in my bff!

Until I blog again,

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This moved every fiber in me.....
I've been threatening myself to begin writing my thoughts....
My problem nowadays is that they spin quicker than I can express them...
I admire this....and hope one day to be too embarrassed for my dd to read them though....
I've been in a funk as of late...