IT AIN'T ABOUT THE "USED TO" CHICK

I saw this post on Facebook...

So, help me figure this one out. 


1. Is she saying he USED TO Direct Message (DM) the 'chick' before they met?

or

2. Is she saying he USED TO DM the 'chick' DURING their relationship but BEFORE they got married?

and

3. Why is the 'chick' all dressed up? Is she a bridesmaid or something? A wedding guest maybe?

My immediate thought upon seeing this was, why are we focused on the 'used to' chick? And why is the language directed at her so negative & nasty? 

What about the possible not so "used to" man?

No where in the caption was anything said about the man's behaviour! 

As women, why do we continue to focus on the other woman? Completely turning a blind eye on him and his behaviour.

Let's go through the above options...

If #1 was the case, then there is no reason for you to say a thing. We have all been there. We are ALL someone's ex. And for whatever reason, you both didn't work out and so you both became that someone that she/he didn't go further with. Whether one of you felt salty about it or not.

On to Option #2, So this dude was dealing with said "used to" chick for who knows how long but now you're happy because he chose you to be his wife? Where was she during the courtship? Who allowed this kind of interference to occur? The 'used to' chick? My guess is, it wasn't entirely her doing. He had to allow it, did he not? That speaks volumes to his character, not only the way he treated the 'chick' but also the way he treated YOU. What makes you think it will stop once you're married?

And #3, is she your friend??? Why is she at the wedding??? Who invited her? You? Or him? That's just cruel either way.

This is the kind of man you're proud to be with? I'm just saying.

Why do we come up with things like this to continue the competition between women? The constant competition for a man. I'm not naive, I know a certain level of healthy competition exists for very primal basic reasons. However, if someone can easily be pulled away from you then maybe there are some deeper matters to be discussed between the two of you. No need to then tear down other women in the process. (yes I am aware that these women play a role and ought to accept responsibility but certainly not all, not while you go marry or stay with the man she's been doing these things with, and yes I am aware that crazy and ratchet people exist.) Encourage better, but not in an insulting way. 

Little girls for centuries have been taught to aspire to marriage. Not little boys. We are raised and groomed to be the perfect little wife. Meanwhile, boys can sow their royal oats. When we find that ONE man to share the rest of our lives with it's seen as an accomplishment. If we don't, something is wrong with us. Is that our main goal in life? Does the bride think she won at something?

Marriage (in it's current form) doesn't guarantee a damn thing. The divorce rate is approximately 50%. You know at least one couple on the brink, you know one couple that is miserable, you know one couple that don't know what the hell they're doing, you know a couple who there but ain really there, you know one couple faking it, you know one couple where the husband 'sweethearting', and you know another couple where BOTH dealing with side action.

WRAP UP: I'm not shitting on marriage. Marriage can be a beautiful thing. I'm not shittin' on men. I am pro man. I am pro woman. I am pro 7 billion of us. What I am shitting on is the constant UNNECESSARY match-up between women. Go compete for a job. Or better yet, compete against yourself and make you better. Let's lift each other up while we are doing it. When you know better, you do better.

Signed, 
#SupportWomen
 Candilaria

What happened to 'NO JOCKEY DAY'?

Were any of you aware that yesterday, June 22, was "No Panty" Day?

Well listen don't feel bad, I forgot too. I knew such a day existed but I have never committed the day to memory.

If you had to be reminded about the day, there is a strong possibility you were reminded by a male. Doesn't matter who the male is really. Nonetheless, it was a male. My hubby reminded me, so there you go!

My question is, when will there be a "NO JOCKEY" Day????

When will we see some doggie slingin'? 

Side note for my Internationals; 

"Doggie" (noun) - Bahamian slang for male genitals

Question is, do we really want to see loose flaccid penises??? Is that even attractive? Think about it, a bouncin', bobbin' doggie. (I literally busted out laughing as I typed that) Come to think about it, it really isn't all that desirable is it? Not like it is for a man knowing that under your clothes there is an exposed vagina. 

Now, why do you think that is?

Is it a form of appreciation? Appreciation of the woman's physical traits? 

My guess is that it is natural for men to be energetically drawn to our bodies. For one very obvious reason. Procreation.

It's so much deeper than that. My thoughts are that there is a fine line between appreciation (because what woman doesn't want her body appreciated???) and objectification. 

Women objectify men as well but that's not what this here post is about. :)

When a woman's body part is singled out and separated from her as a person and is viewed as an object of the male's desire then we have crossed the line.

We all know that this behaviour can have adverse affects on women. According to the study, "Sexual Objectification of Women: Advances to Theory and Research" by Dawn M. Szymanski, Lauren B. Moffitt, and Erika R. Carr, 
this kind of objectification can lead to self-objectification for women causing all sorts of mental health issues. Issues like, increased anxiety about their own physical appearance and opportunities for body shame.

That's NOT cool.

So men (and women), take heed. Ain't nothin' wrong with a little appreciation but let's keep it at that. Women aren't here for YOUR enjoyment. Period. But who knows, maybe one day we will get to the point where flaccid dick slingin' is sexy. My second guess is, maybe not. LOL.


Sincerely, 
Where is #NoJockeyDay
Candilaria 

Don't be THAT parent

2

2 year old, Lane Graves

Picture it, 

You and your family are enjoying your hard earned vacation at the funnest place in the world (for a child). You are relaxing and soaking in the moment. Your 2 year old child is playing innocently near the shoreline, when you hear a loud splashing noise and next thing you know you are witnessing him being captured by a 7 foot alligator and being violently dragged into the water...and just like that he's gone.

YOU fought with your everything to save him from the jaws of this animal. It wasn't enough. YOU watched helplessly. YOU experienced this. YOU are immediately achingly distraught and thoughts of HOW YOU could have let this happen to your child are overwhelming.

There is NO recovery to not only what you've just witnessed, and forever scarred with emotions you will have to endure for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.

Picture it....Picture it as if it were YOUR child. 

You can't. You try to, but you quickly bring yourself back to reality and are relieved that it WAS NOT your child.

Matt and Melissa Graves DO NOT have that option.


So STOP.


JUST STOP with the UNNECESSARY negative commentary...STOP with the...

"If it were me's", 
"I NEVER take my eyes of my child",
"I ALWAYS make sure I..." 
"Why would they allow the child to go in the water...", 
"Why would they not be near the child..."
"Didn't the sign say 'NO SWIMMING'" 

Off the heels of the Harambe incident at the Cincinnati Zoo, some of the commentary I've seen and read on this matter is yet again ridiculous.

HAVE WE NOT LEARNED TO NOT TO BE THAT PARENT??

Why do we continue to judge OTHER parents and THEIR parenting skills? As if we are the PERFECT parent. The words 'always' and 'never' are two of the most dangerous words you can utter when speaking on a subject you've never experienced. 

It was a tragic, freak accident. End of Story.

I lost my daughter in Disney World. By no means am I comparing the two. I am sharing the fact that for someone as neurotic as me about watching my children, I LOST MY OWN CHILD. The greatest fear I had before we embarked on our family trip came true. Despite taking ALL the safety precautions and chats with the children, it happened. 

Shit happens. And NO ONE is immune to ANYTHING.

So Let's STOP.

Unless there is a situation where the parent(s) have been grossly negligent, let's ease up please.

Being a parent is the hardest thing a human being can take on. We are there to protect our offspring until they are able to be take care of themselves and be on their own. That's it! As basic at that seems we are here to love and protect them. It's hard enough on a daily basis, but even worse when you are being ridiculed by the world for your unintentional actions or lack thereof.

The support for the family has been tremendous. Let's keep supporting them. They have suffered a devastating loss. There are no words for this situation but no words spoken ought to be negative.

My deepest condolences to the Graves family on the lost of their baby boy, Lane Graves. There are no words. Our thoughts are with you during this tremendously difficult time.

Signed, 
#NotAPerfectParent 
Candilaria

Dear Woman on the Front Page of the Newspaper

Dear Woman on the Front Page of the Newspaper Jumping for Joy, 


I promised I wouldn't say anything else about the Referendum held on Tuesday. Welp! I couldn't think of what else I would write on our MARRIED WORKING MOTHERS blog. 

The Bahamian people voted loud and clear...

Courtesy of Caribbean360.com

While, I wasn't surprised by the outcome mainly because of the loud and incessant fear ripping through the island like a damn Tsunami, I was however, profoundly disappointed. That disappointment turned into anger yesterday when I laid my eyes on the woman on the front page of the newspaper. 

There you were, a woman. A WOMAN! With her hands in the air rejoicing. (I don't mean to pick on this particular woman as I do not know her but unfortunately, she is who the newspaper chose to place on their cover.)

You can't be fucking serious.

What exactly are you rejoicing for? What victory do you think you've just won? 

Let's see...Is it because...

1. Your Pastor is the real MVP?

2. You don't trust the existing Government and you stuck it to them good?!

3. "Da foriegners ain coming to take over no more?!"

4. You wanted to spite the Government for 2002's Referendum AND the Gaming Referendum?

5. We ain ga be like them other hedonistic countries like the big bad US of A?!

6. Ain no Sissy marriage 'round here?!"

7. "Dey call me dumb and stupid, so I ga show dem?"

or

8. Maybe you really believe women ought to be less equal than men. Maybe?

Some NO voters had excuses coming from every angle and some others felt they didn't need to give a reason.

Well, I voted YES, to every single bill. My reason was simple. 

Women and men ought to enjoy the same rights. Done. Basic Human Rights 101.

How was I able to come up with that you ask? I isolated these bills for what they were. 

I handled this referendum for what it was and it was NOT A GENERAL FUCKING ELECTION!

The pettiness and spitefulness that spread across our islands were vile and disgusting. Do I trust or care for this current administration? Hell No. Do I think we are a sinking ship because of the lack of leadership? Hell Yeah. Is there accountability and transparency? Hell fucking No. Are these politicians doing pure shit? Ya damn right!

But. What. Does. That. Have. To. Do. With. My. Rights. As. A. Woman. Or. Man?! 

Not a gad damn thing!

So, ok, you don't understand Bill No. 4. I understand that you don't understand. Hopefully, you sought information and advice on the particular bill and if you still decided you were unsure about it then by all means vote No. 

But what happened to Bills 1, 2, and 3???? Yes, I deserve a reason for your NO Vote because it affects me and my family. 

Courtesy of uncyclopedia.wikia.com

Why are we so petrified of change? Change isn't a bad thing. Change is inevitable. Change WILL happen whether you are ready for it or not.


I am angry today. Democracy DID NOT win. Fear, Ignorance, & Politics won on Tuesday.


I am not a proud Bahamian. There is NOTHING to be proud of and it makes me sad.

We have to change the direction this country is going in. Fast. To do that now, we MUST focus our attention on our children. We need to inject more of our love, time, and resources into them. Really TEACH & GUIDE them! EDUCATION is where it's at. 

We must raise stable, loving, and critical thinking children to save our Bahamaland. They are the real investment.

That's all we can hope for at this point.


Signed, 
#INeedToFindHopeAgain
Candilaria

I Did It for Me!

I confess, today was not the first time used my right to vote.

 But today was the first time I voted for something which felt 

unavoidably meaningful!

I voted for the two little hands you see above. 

One hand belongs to my son. 

One hand belongs to my daughter. 

May they have an ability to make the exact same choice and be treated equally. 

Period. 

That's it! 

Until I vote again,

Tiffany

Chance Encounters

I love running into the right people at the right time, don't you?

However and wherever you run into them, it was exactly what you needed.

That happened to me yesterday.

I ran into a friend (whom I connected with through Married Working Mothers btw), and we chatted for a few minutes to catch up on what's been happening in our lives. We've been meaning to get together for lunch but somehow we both seemed too busy "hustlin". But we were placed in each other's path yesterday, to motivate each other.

These past couple of months have been difficult for me, financially. Trying to build something from scratch isn't easy. And self-motivation is required DAILY, whether you want to show up or not. While talking to my friend, we realized how much our lives paralleled each other and agreed that our brief meeting was exactly what we both needed. It reminded us that we weren't alone or crazy, and how important it is to have people that are doing what you're doing (whatever it is) around you.

SHIT IS REAL OUT HERE ON YOUR OWN!

I continue to receive the comments about going back to a nine to five. Why would I torture myself without a steady pay? My answer to that is, 

Because I feel strongly in what I'm doing. And I love it. I believe in it. I believe in myself. 

For those that are in the very same position or soon to be,

Here's a quick story...

I've always been into fitness and clean eating. I am pretty consistent when it comes to exercising and what I eat. However, at the end of March I set my eyes on a goal of what I wanted my body to look like. With that in mind, I knew I had to amp up on the amount of days I exercised and be more strict with my diet (for those who know me are probably rolling their eyes, because how much more strict can Candi get!). So that's what I did. I began exercising 5 days a week. Something I have never done in my entire life (I used to exercise 2-3 times a week).

What was the point of the story?

"To achieve something you have never had before, you must do something you have never done before." 


It's not a short term goal but a life-long one.

Believe it or not my NEWER fitness goals have assisted me tremendously in my business goals. Only recently mind you. When I don't feel like going running or going to Crossfit, I go anyway. Some days are very difficult, mentally, emotionally, and physically, but I do it anyway. So when I don't feel like staying up late to edit a video, work on a blog post, work on an art piece, or doing research, I do it anyway. I just do it.

In order to achieve a business I've never had before, I must work like I have never done before.

JUST DO IT.

Signed, 
#SeeMiHaffiWorkWorkWorkWorkWorkWork
Candilaria