IT AIN'T ABOUT THE "USED TO" CHICK


I saw this post on Facebook...





So, help me figure this one out. 


1. Is she saying he USED TO Direct Message (DM) the 'chick' before they met?

or

2. Is she saying he USED TO DM the 'chick' DURING their relationship but BEFORE they got married?

and

3. Why is the 'chick' all dressed up? Is she a bridesmaid or something? A wedding guest maybe?



My immediate thought upon seeing this was, why are we focused on the 'used to' chick? And why is the language directed at her so negative & nasty? 


What about the possible not so "used to" man?

No where in the caption was anything said about the man's behaviour! 

As women, why do we continue to focus on the other woman? Completely turning a blind eye on him and his behaviour.

Let's go through the above options...

If #1 was the case, then there is no reason for you to say a thing. We have all been there. We are ALL someone's ex. And for whatever reason, you both didn't work out and so you both became that someone that she/he didn't go further with. Whether one of you felt salty about it or not.

On to Option #2, So this dude was dealing with said "used to" chick for who knows how long but now you're happy because he chose you to be his wife? Where was she during the courtship? Who allowed this kind of interference to occur? The 'used to' chick? My guess is, it wasn't entirely her doing. He had to allow it, did he not? That speaks volumes to his character, not only the way he treated the 'chick' but also the way he treated YOU. What makes you think it will stop once you're married?

And #3, is she your friend??? Why is she at the wedding??? Who invited her? You? Or him? That's just cruel either way.

This is the kind of man you're proud to be with? I'm just saying.

Why do we come up with things like this to continue the competition between women? The constant competition for a man. I'm not naive, I know a certain level of healthy competition exists for very primal basic reasons. However, if someone can easily be pulled away from you then maybe there are some deeper matters to be discussed between the two of you. No need to then tear down other women in the process. (yes I am aware that these women play a role and ought to accept responsibility but certainly not all, not while you go marry or stay with the man she's been doing these things with, and yes I am aware that crazy and ratchet people exist.) Encourage better, but not in an insulting way. 

Little girls for centuries have been taught to aspire to marriage. Not little boys. We are raised and groomed to be the perfect little wife. Meanwhile, boys can sow their royal oats. When we find that ONE man to share the rest of our lives with it's seen as an accomplishment. If we don't, something is wrong with us. Is that our main goal in life? Does the bride think she won at something?

Marriage (in it's current form) doesn't guarantee a damn thing. The divorce rate is approximately 50%. You know at least one couple on the brink, you know one couple that is miserable, you know one couple that don't know what the hell they're doing, you know a couple who there but ain really there, you know one couple faking it, you know one couple where the husband 'sweethearting', and you know another couple where BOTH dealing with side action.

WRAP UP: I'm not shitting on marriage. Marriage can be a beautiful thing. I'm not shittin' on men. I am pro man. I am pro woman. I am pro 7 billion of us. What I am shitting on is the constant UNNECESSARY match-up between women. Go compete for a job. Or better yet, compete against yourself and make you better. Let's lift each other up while we are doing it. When you know better, you do better.


Signed, 
#SupportWomen
 Candilaria





1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Girl shut up

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