If you're anything like me I tried it immediately. It is certainly food for thought. What if our focus should be on our husbands more than our children?
This is a picture of my daughter in America for the summer. Sigh... Oh to be five years old again! When I look at this picture many words formulate in my mind but there is one word that summarizes them all... Happiness! When was the last time that I was this happy? When was the last time I was willing to run, jump and surrender? Look at the photograph. Her head is thrown back, her arms are up in the air in total surrender and she is sticking out her tongue. It is important for me to note that she has on armbands because she does not know how to swim well without them. She takes swimming lessons but is not a proficient swimmer. Clearly, she is still willing to take the risk and jump into a pool! The Channing Dive has inspired me to do just that, take the risk and dive! Channing's goal was to simply get in the pool. My goal is a lot deeper. But does it really matter what the goal is? What if your attitude towards the goal is more important than the goal itself? I look at this photograph and will confess my five year old daughter has taught me a few life lessons with this one jump. 1. If you're going to take a risk and jump, give it all you've got. 2. Let go of your inhibitions and experience the moment. 3. Who cares if you're afraid to take the risk and jump, wear armbands! 4. Show your haters, your fears and your doubts what you really feel by sticking out your tongue! 5. And lastly, if you are going to take a risk and jump you need to look cute by wearing the right bathing suit! Ladies, I have a dream for my life! I know you do too. Let's just run, jump and surrender. Let's put on our bathing suits and take the risk. If a five year old can do it then so can we! Until I jump again, Tiffany
If it's one thing I pray for daily is to have just enough patience and a certain level of awareness when being with my children. It's tough. The struggle is real! We think we are fully aware when interacting with our children but it only takes one action or something said or too many times fussing at them to have one of those mini breakdowns or straight trip out moments. I constantly ask myself, how do I change this? How can I become fully conscious?
How many of you watch OWN's (Oprah's television station) television show, Super Soul Sunday? I am absolutely in love with this show! I love it so much I can just imagine my Sundays sitting in front of my television in my living room, all snuggled up with a blanket and a hot cup of tea (constantly refilling itself, of course) watching back to back episodes of Super Soul Sunday. There is so much inspiration in a one hour show, it fills my heart and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy all over. I was home sick one week and turned it to Super Soul Sunday and watched the thought provoking and incredibly motivating episode with Dr. Shefali Tsabary, author of "The Conscious Parent: Transforming ourselves, empowering our children."
In this book "Dr. Tsabary shifts the epicentre of the parent-child relationship away from the traditional parent-to-child "know it all" approach to a mutual parent-with-child relationship in which the parent learns alongside the child. This innovative parenting style recognizes the child's potential to spark a deep soul-searching, leading to transformation in parents. Instead of being merely the receiver of the parents' psychological and spiritual legacy, children function as ushers of the parents' development."
Watching the episode could not have come at a better time. I bought the book and while I have only just begun reading it I am already completely enamored by its content. With a unique take on parenting it seems like common sense! What is it to be a conscious parent? To be conscious means to engage in an active process of conscious evolvement. This, by definition, means resisting an over-attachment to the ‘doing’ aspects of life and shifting your energies to engage in the ‘being’ aspects of life. The state of consciousness teaches oneness.
I wanted to share with you an excerpt from the book, in Chapter 3 called "Release Your Children From The Need of Your Approval"
This particular chapter was eye-opening.
"When we are unable to accept our children, it's because they open up old wounds in us, threatening some ego-attachment we are still holding onto."
Wow. Acceptance in this instance means accepting your child for who he/she truly is. Not who you think they are or who you want them to be. To be attuned to your child's uniqueness. That statement was profound for me because it lent itself to the confirmation that our children ultimately contribute to our overall growth, our self-discovery, and self-development. "Parenting allows one of the most powerful opportunities for us to do this, because our children are able to mirror our soul in a way few others can. They reflect back our light and our shadow in a manner that is incomparable." says Dr. Tsabary. Children play an integral role in the spiritual awakening of the parent.
"Our ability to accept our children is directly linked to our ability to accept ourselves - both as we are presently, and for what we have the potential to become."
"How can we raise another human being, another spirit, if our own being has been largely dismissed, our spirit systematically squelched?"
Dr. Tsabary goes on to share some areas in which she is learning to accept herself:
I accept I am a human being before I am a parent
I accept I have limitations and many shortcomings, and this is okay
I accept I don't always know the right way
I accept I am often ashamed to admit my own failings
I accept I frequently lose my center worse than my child ever does
I accept I can be selfish and unthinking in my dealings with my child
I accept I sometimes fumble and stumble as a parent
I accept I don't always know how to respond to my child
I accept that at times I say and do the wrong thing with my child
I accept that at times I'm too tired to be sane
I accept that at times I'm too preoccupied to be present for my child
I accept I am trying my best, and that is good enough
I accept my imperfections and my imperfect life
I accept my desire for power and control
I accept my ego
I accept my yearning for consciousness (even though I often sabotage myself when I am about to enter this state)
These statements are helpful for me on my journey in becoming a Conscious Parent as I am learning to accept first, myself. I recommend this book for you to read. While not everyone will be open to this non-traditional way of parenting, and that's okay too, I hope this helps some of you who are wanting a different way of connecting with your child(ren). Are you a conscious parent? Do you want to be a conscious parent? I will leave you with a little clip from the Super Soul Sunday episode on the OWN network.
I was quite disappointed to hear that my two
youngest kids were required to go to summer school this year. My daughter is going into the fourth grade
and my son is going into K-5. Yes he had
to go to summer school for K-5. My
daughter has always struggled with the idea of school so it was no surprise to
me that she was required to attend for math, but my son has always been a
brilliant child. However, he struggled
with writing his name in cursive, hence, he was asked to do the extra
classes.
Needless to say, I was very disappointed but
not in them. I was disappointed in
myself. Until I realized that I could
not put this on myself. Yet, I just
could not help but to feel this sense of ultimate responsibility. They are failing because of me I thought. I did not do enough. I did not push them enough. It is all my fault. As mothers we secretly compare our children
to those of others. We may not say our
feelings out loud but we think them to ourselves. “ Why isn’t my child as smart as Janae?” or “I wish my son was as athletic as
Jason.” In our heads we set unreachable
marks for our children and when they are not met we sulk secretly. Or maybe it's just me.
I
want my children to be the best at everything and they are not. Does it make me love them any less. Of
course, not. Nothing at all could do
that, but it does make me criticize myself and my parenting, my husband’s
parenting, their teachers, their school, my job, my life. I can now see why mothers make the decision
to leave work and stay at home all day.
Because of that inner guilt that we all feel as mothers. This was confirmed by Shonda Rhime’s
commencement address to the 2014 graduates of Dartmouth College. Shonda is the writer and creator of the shows like Grey’s Anatomy and Scandal. If you watch any of these shows you would understand the level of
fame and success this lady is currently experiencing in her professional life. However, as she so eloquently put it...
“Whenever you see me somewhere succeeding in
one area of my life, that almost certainly means I am failing in another area
of my life. If I am killing it on a Scandal script for work, I am probably missing bath
and story time at home. If I am at home sewing my kids' Halloween costumes, I'm
probably blowing off a rewrite I was supposed to turn in. If I am accepting a
prestigious award, I am missing my baby's first swim lesson. If I am at my
daughter's debut in her school musical, I am missing Sandra Oh's last scene
ever being filmed at Grey's Anatomy. If I
am succeeding at one, I am inevitably failing at the other. That is the
tradeoff. That is the Faustian bargain one makes with the devil that comes with
being a powerful working woman who is also a powerful mother. You never feel a
hundred percent OK; you never get your sea legs; you are always a little
nauseous. Something is always lost. Something is always missing.”
Wow! I thought it is not just me, other mother’s feel the same way.
I
went to drop my son off one morning and had a conversation with his teacher
about his poor handwriting. Of course, I
went on and on about what I can do to fix the problem, then she said to me. “You
know you can’t have it all. You have a
wonderful, well behaved son that has a sweet and loving personality. Thank God for that. That’s better that having a straight A
student.” Hmmmm….Never really looked at it that way. A few weeks later, I went to my
daughter’s award ceremony in the pouring rain.
As children were getting nine and ten certificates, I waited for them to
call her name. She received certificates
for Art and Outstanding Christian Character.
As I cheered her on I remember the words my son’s teacher said to me and
in that moment I was proud of the children that I am raising wonderful honest
and upstanding individuals.
Shonda went on in her speech to say... “ANYONE
WHO TELLS YOU THEY ARE DOING IT ALL PERFECTLY IS A LIAR.” So true.
Shonda is the writer and creator of the shows like Grey’s Anatomy and Scandal. If you watch any of these shows you would understand the level of
fame and success this lady is currently experiencing in her professional life. However, as she so eloquently put it... 
A few weeks later, I went to my
daughter’s award ceremony in the pouring rain.
As children were getting nine and ten certificates, I waited for them to
call her name. She received certificates
for Art and Outstanding Christian Character.
As I cheered her on I remember the words my son’s teacher said to me and
in that moment I was proud of the children that I am raising wonderful honest
and upstanding individuals. 
