It's About Unbecoming!

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This morning my daughter innocently made a suggestion. "Mummy, maybe you should stop being a teacher and become the person who does hair in a salon." Bless her heart, because I style my daughter's hair, Channing believes I possess the skills to be coiffurist!

Without pause I responded, "Good idea! It's not too late Channing!" I walked out of my bedroom and smiled. 

My six year old believes in one's ability to change. Why not? It's only logical that if you're good at something you should do what you are good at!

Through my daughter's eyes, my journey as a mother has uncovered my beautician skills. Who knew? For the last twenty odd years I have viewed myself as a teacher but what if I am a budding stylist?

Hmm... According to the quote above I am unbecoming a teacher so I can be who I was meant to be in the first place! ( I seriously doubt that is a beautician though!)

"Maybe it is about unbecoming everything that isn't really you.."

This life is strange. For the last 43 years, life has been about becoming something.

Become a good daughter.
Become a good sister.
Become a good Christian.
Become a high school graduate.
Become a college graduate.
Become an independent woman.
Become a career woman.
Become a good girlfriend.
Become a good church member.
Become a wife.
Become a mother.

Sigh.... Where is this line?
Become Tiffany.

Let's be logical. I am Tiffany. I should be good at being Tiffany. Hence as Channing inferred...if I am good at being Tiffany I should do what I am good at...becoming Tiffany. Being Tiffany!

Wait a minute. What about all of my roles? What about all the people who love Tiffany? Oh yes, they would support me right? They wouldn't judge my hidden desires if I expose them to the universe would they? They love me unconditionally right? I can quit my job and be a gypsy if my little heart yearns for bare feet, a headband and twirls lots of twirls in the grass as 2:15pm just because? Everyone would understand if I spoke with no filter at all times? Yes? or No?

Remember now, we all know good little girls are taught to..

Please your family.
Please your teachers.

Then good women are expected to ...

Please your priest.
Please your colleagues.
Please your employer.
Please your girlfriends.
Please your husband.
Please your in-laws.
Please your children.


And how do you please all these folks? You do what they want you to do. You be who they think you should be. You fulfill their requests. You never say no! You ensure they are happy and not disappointed. You stay the course. Stay in their lane. Do them and not you. You wear the right clothing. You frown at the wrong jokes. You buy the right gifts. You discuss the right topics. You swallow the wrong words. You dismiss the wrong thoughts.

Awesome! You did it! You are 35 years of age with the accolades of an approved husband, approved children in the approved school always dressed in the approved clothing, the approved house, on the approved street, with the approved car to take you to your approved job, dressed in the approved clothing to hang out with the approved colleagues or girlfriends who on the approved night you go out to dinner at the approved restaurant and drink the approved drink before you go home at the approved hour.

No wonder so many of us are exhausted! 
This journey to become something is exhausting.

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Look at this image to the right. At 39 the ladies are concerned about drinking the 'approved wine' and wearing the 'approved pants'! 


And then you wake up one morning and you decide to change the journey. For many, we turn 40! 

SOME OF US! I repeat some of us....

We are tired but not physically tired because given the correct environment we have the energy of a five year old. No we are tired of living the 'Approved By All' life. There are some women who are ready to unbecome, to unbecome the 'Approved By All' life to be who they were meant to be in the first place!

Here's the question though, how do you unbecome? By this age when you realize what if my life is not about becoming anything it is about unbecoming everything that isn't really me, to be everything I was meant to be, you are vested in life. 

School Fees.
Car Notes.
These are our commitments. By no means do I believe you 'unbecome' and neglect commitments. But by all means I do believe you 'unbecome' and be you within the confines of commitments.

Be that woman who laughs at naughty jokes or better yet tells naughty jokes! Laugh and laugh hard. If you like to dance, leave those approved girlfriends sitting down and dance until your shoes expire. I dare you to dance in the middle of the dance floor too! Be that woman who speaks her thoughts. Yes, they may be confrontational but what if your words are the first step to healing. Be the woman who reads a book at a party because you are bored and don't feel like talking to the boring approved people at the party. At least you were prepared and brought something to do!


Scratch the layers off. Soak off the dead skin. Hell, laser if you have to do.
But dammit ladies...let's live man! We don't have to take our bras off and burn them but let's live with our bras on.

Speaking of bras. For those who know me I have big boobs, big DD boobs, a girlfriend refers to them as my national geographics because they are saggy too. Well, I'll have you know the other night I was at a restaurant, well my bra expired. Sweetness, at 43, I stood up, went to a corner and took my bra off. Yes I did! I 'unbecame and let my girls loose'! 

Unbecoming takes courage!

The lyrics of 'Fight Song' by Rachel Platten inspire me. Let it inspire you!

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

And all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

Listen and sing loud loud loud. When it plays on the radio and your daughter sings it, you sing too!

Until I blog again,

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