Time to have the Talk
The other Sunday sitting down in church my nine year old
daughter leans over and whispers to me.
“Mummy what does rape mean?”
I responded, “I will
tell you after church”, hoping that she would forget to ask, she didn’t. She promptly asked the question again as soon
as we got in the car. I paused and
said. “It’s when someone has sex with
you against your will.”
Interestingly
enough her response was a very nonchalant “Oh” accompanied by a head
shake. I thought Oh? Oh! I was expecting a blizzard of questions. One of them being what is sex? But noooooo,
all I got was “Oh”. I figured she was
going to come back to me later that day and question more, but she didn’t. So of course, I started thinking that it is
probably time for us to have that proverbial “Birds and Bees” talk.
Sigh.
Already! Yes Already. If she already knows what sex is, and I am
still crossing my fingers that she doesn’t, then its best that she gets her
information from me and not the fast little girl at school.
That little encounter encouraged me to start thinking about
this whole subject. I started asking
myself some questions. Like “What is the right age to have the “Talk”? How much information should I give? If I do have the talk too early will I rob my
child of her innocence? Again, why don’t
these kids come with instruction manuals?
As parents we are left to figure this out on our own. And each parent handles it their own way.
I came up with three
very different categories of parents.
The
first is the “Spell-its”. These are the parents that cannot say the
word sex so they prefer to spell it. Many
of your parents may fit into this category.
These parents resort to saying to their children;. “If you get pregnant, I’ll kill you.” Or “
Boy, you better not bring no baby home to this house. Keep ya tings in your pants”. They never explain anything and they are
certainly not entertaining of questions from a curious young mind. They are quick to call their children “brazen”
or “fresh”. And if their children are
ever caught with the children of the “TMI-parents” the girls are threatened
with a bottle of hot sauce and the boys are threatened with castration.
The “TMI-parent”,
too much information parent, are those that are too willing to talk and share
information. They buy videos and books
and do demonstrations using inanimate objects.
While their hearts are in the right place, the embarrassment the child
feels usually over-shadows the information they are giving. I personally do not feel that I need to show
my child a video of copulation. That
brings up another point, the TMI parent uses the text book words to describe
genitalia. Or God forbid the slang
words. They would never see the need to
say the word V-jay-jay.
The
final group is the “Need-to-knows”. This group only gives the child the
information that they need to know at that particular point in their life. They can also be called the “Just enoughs”. Just enoughs only give you the information you
are asking for and nothing more. They
only discuss the topic if they are cornered.
They carry a strict “Don’t ask, don’t tell” rule. I feel this is where I fall.
After being pressured for weeks by my husband, I finally had
a talk with my nine year old about having her period. She has not had hers yet and I was figuring I
had a few more years. However, my
husband was very paranoid about her getting the information now. So I mustered up the courage and talked to
her. It went fine. At least that is what I thought. So, a few months later, her Dad asks her if I
told her what to do if her period comes, you can obviously see which of the
three categories he falls in. She answers
“No.”
I turned around
shocked. “Yes I did!”
“No you didn’t. When
I asked you what to do when it happens you said “Just come to me.”
Mission Unaccomplished.
Most of my friends say that their parents never even tried
to talk to them about the birds and the bees.
Yet they turned out alright. But,
I liken it to finding a store in the US without a map. Yes, you will eventually get there but you
would probably take a route that was full of toll booths and it might take you
twice as long. It is definitely a talk
that should happen. But the question
remains, When?
I am open to your
advice. Let me know what you did and how
you did it. Leave your comments below.
Until next time,
Ernesta,
Member of the Just enough club.
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