and I'm in a funk....
Why you ask? Read the first line again...LOL
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Society is so far removed from the times when we had clear "boundaries" that matters between men and women become difficult.
Once again, Tiffany and I would love to thank all the women who burned their bras for Woman's Rights...blank stare...we really showed the men how independent we could be! But for real, it's time to stop. LOL. This "going to work" is for the birds!
Let me be a stay-at-home mother any day, with a housekeeper AND babysitter of course. LOL...I'm just joking...I'm just serious.
Look, have you ever been frustrated when your hubby always has something going on? They always seem to have this meeting, that meeting, toastmasters, football practice, "oh a friend needs help with this" or "oh, I have to go take care of that". The thing is YOU have the same kind of things going on too but the difference is, your stuff is ON TOP of managing the children and their activities!
Do men still feel they ought to just be the providers and that's it? Can we accept this mentality in today's society? Nope. We cannot.
Not in a society where women have become financial contributors to the home, no?
How involved do you think husbands/fathers should be in the day-to-day operations of the home? How committed should women be to their jobs/careers? Or does this depend on the dynamics of the family?
Do you think men could handle a full day of work, running errands and other activities while managing the kids all by themselves AND be okay with that? What about multiple days?! Or indefinitely?! Keep in mind, they are not stay-at-home dads! My guess is, no! So here lies the problem. We end up doing pretty much everything. LOL.
I know there are husbands out there that do just as much or, in a few rare cases, more than the wife. I know a few scenarios like the latter. A few. **Side Thought**It's funny though - people are more inclined to give praise to men for taking on the role of caretaker/homemaker while his wife who is the breadwinner and taking care of their family financially will not receive that same kind of praise. Hmmmm...that's deep. Is it because it's not the "natural way"?
So ladies, it seems as though burning our bras for equality may have caused us a little more work and a lot more headache! On top of what we already were, Wives and Mothers, we've added Work. YAY! Though I feel it is important and necessary for us to have the choice to work, it really isn't a choice anymore, but a necessity.
So here we are Married, Mothers and Working!
What are the roles in your home? Is there total integration? Or do you have a clear division?
Husbands, I know you're reading....we would love for you to chime in on this discussion. And of course Married WORKING Mothers feel free to express yourselves, bras were burnt so you could! LOL
HAPPY MONDAY! :)
Signed,
I like my bra the way it is, unburned
Candilaria
6 comments:
Just had a conversation the other day with my husband about the expectation of Bahamian men from wives who work full time just as they do. The tittle of "Married Working Mother" holds within itself three full time demanding responsibilities. The responsibilities in my house at first were 90% me 10% my husband, then I got pregnant and it moved to 80% me 20% him. Then the baby came and it moved to 70% me 30% him. I am pregnant again and it's still about 65% me and 35% him and NO he does not take care of the yard because we have a gardener and I pay to have my car clean. It would be nice if it was 50/50 most of the time, if not all the time. We both work full time and I am obligated to work more hours than he is. Question - with two kids is that really too much to ask for equally shared responsibilities.
I feel sometimes men fail to realize that we work too! Men say they don't have an issue with their wives staying home but in reality I don't think that is the case. The first response a man will say is, "well if you want to stay home, we need to adjust the way we live". Why is that?!! Maybe you need to figure out how you will make up for the loss of an entire salary to maintain the family that's already used to a certain lifestyle. Responsibilities in the home will never be 50/50. @anonymous - these men don't even cut grass, clean ya car, or any other "manly" duties around the house! So like Candilaria said, we could have housekeeper and babysitter! lol
I applaud you ladies for writing about this subject!! As a former high powered working mom who is now a stay-at-home mom, I must say that I'm a happier person as a stay-at-home mom. For years I believed the myth that I could do it all. The reality is that trying to balance a career and my family obligations stressed me out. And a stressed out mama is no good to anyone. I know that there are women who balance both very well, but that's not my temperament. Recognizing the value of managing my household and deciding to leave my career to take on this role full-time was one of the best decisions I ever made. I certainly miss the money that I use to bring in, but having piece of mind and a smooth running household is priceless to me!
Thank you all for leaving comments. This is an important conversation to be had. @Yolanda Darville, The family structure is not the same anymore. I'm tired when I get home, hubby is tired when he gets home and then what?? What about the children? The structure of the family has deteriorated tremendously. And who's paying for it? The children! Question, do any of you sit at the dining room table to have family dinner anymore? What is more important than nurturing the growth of a child?? But back then we were made to feel that that wasn't an important enough job, we were made to feel inferior for being stay-at-home mothers and so bras were burnt in protest and look where that's gotten us? Working. Away from our children. And our children are paying for it.
Candilaria
For me, my husband contributes 60/40 most of the time. I do not know if this figure is high due to the fact that we only have one child, but we both still have full0time jobs. I do school drop-off and he does pick-up. He feeds our son and make sure he takes a bath when they reach home, but he leaves homework for me. He cleans the house by himself most times and others times we do it together. He knows I hate to wash dishes, so he uses the plastic dishes and utentils to avoid dirtying dishes. If dirty dishes are in the sink,and he wants me to cook, he will wash them before I reach home. He also cleans my car. The only thing he does not do (but not for lack of trying) is wash the clothes. And that's due to two reasons: 1) we do not have machines at home and 2) I use that time to spend with my parents because I go to their house to wash. He always suggest that "we" go to the wash house so I can finish faster, but for my second reason I always decline his offer. Writing this down I now realize how good he is to me with sharing responsibilities. He shall be rewarded tonight :)
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