When you don't like your child

Last week Saturday on valentine's Day, we were exceedingly fortunate to have been invited on Pure Health Radio show on Guardian Radio, a local station 96.9FM.  

Dr. Stephen Truszkowski and Kevin Taylor, hosts of Pure
Health Radio on Guardian Radio 96.9.
Pure Health Radio is hosted by Kevin Taylor and Dr. Stephen Truszkowski - and let me tell ya - they've got a good gig happening
over there on Saturdays at 1:00 p.m. Tiffany and I had such an amazing time recording the show that it gave us an idea of maybe hosting our own radio show someday! Hey, we can dream can't we!

Candi pauses to write down Goal #8 in her journal.

You can check them out by clicking on the link above or on Facebook.

If you didn't catch us on the show last week here it is for your easy listening. 


While on the show, I alluded to the topic of this post that might stir up some feelings in women and parents in general.

When you don’t like your child!

This might be an extremely difficult topic not only for a parent to talk about but to openly admit.  The sheer guilt we would feel for even thinking it would stop us from even bringing it up in a conversation.  

You may not fall into this category but for those parents that are experiencing such feelings, I am empathetic. 

There are days when I do not like my child.

Let’s be clear.  This does not mean that you don’t LOVE your child.  AND this does not mean that you won’t like your child for the rest of their lives.
Maybe it’s their behaviour you don’t like.  Maybe they’re being a pain in the ass, annoying, constantly arguing with their siblings, being mean, whining, complaining, and crying constantly for no reason ALL THE TIME.  It’s hard to like anyone when they are continually being any one of these things.  You can’t seem to catch a break from yelling or reprimanding them from their ‘negative’ actions. 

Or, on the other hand, maybe you simply don’t like your child’s personality. Maybe she isn’t the person you thought she would be.  Perhaps, she isn’t as outgoing as you are, as academically inclined, or she is too quiet, and just too shy.  Maybe your child isn’t someone you would have chosen as a friend if you were her age.  That’s some heavy stuff to think about.

Okay, you don’t like your child.  And guess what…there are times she doesn’t like you too!

Is she the complete opposite of you? Or even worse, she is exactly like you in every single way. LOL.

Children have an amazing ability (at no fault of their own) to reflect dormant and unresolved issues you have with yourself.

My daughter and I are constantly knocking heads. Always in the ring it seems. At least from my point of view. Why?  Because she is me. I am facing my younger self. My parents wished on me a child exactly like me.  Well. I. got. that. And then some. Thanks for that folks. I was a picky eater, but my daughter is the pickiest!  I whined and cried a lot to be with my mother, but my daughter whines and cries more. These may not seem like a big deal, but oh when you have to deal with it every other second it's a different story. Sometimes I feel like I have to walk on egg shells around her just to avoid a situation turning into a DEF Con 1. And it's harder to handle her than my other children. I'm harder on her than my other children. I feel horrible about it.

Maybe, I expect too much of her.  Maybe, she is so much like me when I was younger I get upset because I want her to be better.  I want her to not be like me. Some very sobering thoughts.

So, how do you overcome this feeling?  

I GOOGLED parents not liking their child and stumbled across a list of actions that are supposed to help when you’re experiencing such feelings. 

Because, really, what are you supposed to do?! 

I have tried a few of these and I figure you could give the following a whirl too:

1.        Accept your Feelings. 
- Accept that you are feeling this way and don't feel guilty about it. Allow yourself to feel what you feel.

2.      Figure out why you feel the way you do.
- Do some deep down searching of why you are feeling this way. You may find that when you look closer, dig deeper, you realize that you disliking your child probably has more to do about you than about her. They are your feelings and your reactions to her.  Our thoughts, feelings and reactions can also contribute to the very behaviour we dislike.  

3.      Get to know your child for who she really is.
- Yes, we know our children. We know they prefer no crust on their bread or that they get miserable when tired, and can paint really well. That's not the 'getting to know your child' I mean.  It's being attuned to your child, all of her likes and dislikes and accepting every single thing about her.

4.       Be aware of your reactions towards her.
- Most times we know exactly when we are about to be reactive.  We feel it building. The point is to be aware of this feeling before it happens and pause. Pause before you react and breathe.  Let that feeling pass. After a few minutes then respond. 

5.       Go easy on the criticizing.
- Not everything deserves a response or a comment.  You may think it but it doesn't have to come out of your mouth. Give yourself a break.

6.       Don’t always be so serious.
- Relax. Not everything is that serious.  Be playful.

7.    Seek Help.
- If none of these help or the feeling remains, it may be best to seek more professional help. It's deeper than you think.

Going through these emotions are not easy and my heart goes out to all those parents that may be feeling this way.  You’re not alone.

Do you ever have feelings of not liking your child? What have you done to help with those feelings?

‘I love you, but I don’t like you right now’ Candilaria



JoAnna Roberts said...

Because you really LOVE your child, the anxiety will pass.
Wait until you have to accept that your TEENAGE daughter will go through a period where she THINKS she does not like you. LOL, your attitude will be....who cares.

Time will take care of both of these periods, and one day you will laugh at each other. Be patient .....its part of motherhood. As you mentioned, it's PAY BACK time and I am enjoying that your partner (Tiffany) is being paid back also. Ask her about the stress statement.


MWMs said...

That's correct! There is no love like the love for a child. Definitely.

I've come to grips that no stage is "easy" and will just have to accept each day as it comes.

And I'm pretty sure my mother is secretly laughing at me as well. Hmmmph!


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