MARRIAGE: The List

This upcoming week my life is going to change...again!

Last week I lost my housekeeper. This week my two year old son will begin school.


courtesy of todays-quotes.com 





Sigh.....

But change is not the reason I am writing. I am writing because of a conversation I had with my husband regarding the changes.

The conversation went something like this...






"I realize life is about to get busy. All that I ask is that you put me on the list," said Eric.
"Put you on the list?" I asked. "What list?"
"Your list," he replied. "You know, the list in your head of all the things you have to do. Put me on that list with the same urgency as everything else!"


courtesy of www.greatblackspeakers.com
Now I don't know about any of you but the moment I open my eyes every morning my brain starts churning. I literally have to stop and force the thoughts away so I can pray. For example, here is my list for today.


  • Get a passport size photo of Chase
  • Wash a load of laundry
  • Iron Channing's uniforms for next week
  • Call prospective housekeeper
  • Go to Family Guardian
  • Mop
I can go on...

Eric wants to get on that list. Not only does he want to get on my list he wants urgency.

Urgency? Hmmm..

When I get home everyday as soon as I walk through the door I start moving. I have to put things in order, whether it be a toy not in the toy room, a shoe not in the closet, a glass on a vanity or a towel thrown on the bed, I need order. I cannot relax until I can walk around the house and feel like everything is in place. The minute I am satisfied I relax but until then I am relentless. 

Eric wants relentlessness when it comes to my attention to him.

Unfortunately this does not happen regularly because by the time I do all that I feel needs to be done I am exhausted and/or irritated. Who has time to stop for a hug or a kiss? Who has energy for sex after washing dishes?

And so his words are,"Put me on the list?" Make me just as important as the dishes! 

"Jeez already! As if I don't have enough going on!"
Sigh...
But I saw him and I heard him. I need to put him on the list. Today's list needs to be revised.

  • Hug Eric
  • Get a passport size photo of Chase
  • Wash a load of laundry
  • Send Eric a loving text
  • Iron Channing's uniforms for next week
  • Call prospective housekeeper
  • Kiss Eric for one whole entire minute not just a peck
  • Go to Family Guardian
  • Mop
  • Rub Eric's back when he gets in the bed
No, sex is not on today's list. That ended up being added on yesterday's list! 
Sigh...

courtesy of bmindful.com


And so, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!
Until I blog again,

Eric and I celebrating being on each other's list
back when life was less busy!
Tiffany

P.S. The moral of the story is put your husband on your list or he may just end up on somebody else's list!



11 comments:

Fabulous Raeh said...

Ha ha ha! Awesome.

Demetria Moss said...

Love it!...gatta remember to put my husband on the list as a priority!

Kaylus Horton-Adams said...

I am so with you on this. Thursday night I was distracted from hubby because I was preparing for the following morning. I went to bed exhausted and the tasks incomplete. I woke up very early on Friday morning began to complete what needed to be suddenly I heard that still small voice say "go be a wife to your husband." I went back to bed and the day turned out to be better than expected. Tiffany, being a woman of faith that you are, how do you we keep our husbands first and not just on the list? Great reconfirming post. Thank you for sharing your heart.

ernesta rodriques said...

Nice.

Anonymous said...

Is it also possible that husbands can assist with housework and child-rearing so that their wives can have just a little break? After all, women are expected to help with the bills and household maintenance, right?

I disagree with the postscript. Just how a woman strives to make her husband and family a priority, men should do the same. I am of the opinion that a man who wants to cheat will, no matter what a woman may say or do.

Anonymous said...

Agree with anonymous....

Giavana Jones said...

I think my husband may have given me the same feedback but just not as eloquently. I got the "you are doing too much; every day and evening you are busy." Since that comment, I've had to make a conscious effort to put the book, laptop, iPad, paper, clothes, broom, etc etc down when he is home. Thanks for sharing and encouraging.

MWMs said...

Love the discussion on this topic...let's keep it going.

While I agree that it is important to place your husband on your to-do list, it is equally as important to make sure YOU are on his.

The realist in me says that the child rearing and housework will very unlikely be equal. Not saying that Husbands aren't involved in the home but not to the same degree as a woman. We simply pay attention to more details. We are just built differently.

Nonetheless, make sure you are on your husbands urgent list, before his extracurricular activities.

Don't be afraid to say when you aren't feeling appreciated or being taken for granted.

Candilaria

MWMs said...

And what I mean by extracurricular activity, I mean like exercise, volunteer clubs, basketball, hanging with the boys, etc..not "EXTRAcurricular activities" if you know what I mean :) :) hehe

Candilaria

MWMs said...

Dear Readers,

Thank you so much for supporting our blog!

Fabulous Raeh I am glad I bought a bit of laughter into your day.

Demetria, yeah gal, you better have your hubby on the list because based on the Valentine's Day pics I saw, you are definitely on his list!

Kaylus, I am glad you obeyed that still small voice. That voice, if we are willing to listen will never lead us down the wrong path.

How do we keep our husbands first and not just only on the list? Well I struggle to answer that question daily. Here are a few things I believe to be true. Marriage is a decision. Every moment of every day we make decisions that affect our marriage. Faithfulness is a decision. It is not innate. We are tempted daily. It only stands to reason that attentiveness is also a decision. We have to decide to make an effort to pay our husbands the attention they desire and deserve.

Do I always want to? No! Most days I am too tired to care!

I wrote this post only to say that we should decide more often. My husband deserves it, I don't know about any other but more importantly I deserve it. I deserve to know I was the best woman I could be.

Ernesta, thank you for reading and being willing to type a comment.

Anonymous, well let me start by saying that I married Eric because he can clean the hell out of a bathroom. My husband cooks, gives the kids a bath every night, drops my kids in the morning….I can go on and on. You better believe husbands need to help with the kids and the home since yes, wives are going to work and helping with the bills. I don’t have this set up in my marriage because I am lucky or special, my marriage is this way because while dating Eric and I talked about all of this. And so I hope you did too. Tell all your friends to do the same so they are not being superwomen who have to cook, clean, have babies and pay B.E.C.!

As for my postscript, no woman can stop a man from cheating. Trust and believe my only point is this, a woman who neglects her man influences him to cheat!

Giavana, I am glad you bought up other ways we can be busy and undoubtedly neglect our mates. I-Phones, I-Pads, books, Rotary, Sorority Meetings, church, blogs …. all these things can garner our attention and draw our eyes and energy away.

Candilaria, preach girl! Putting ourselves on the list is a sure fire way of getting them on the list. Many moons ago, a reader of ours Sandena Neely wrote that when we travel, the instruction is in the case of an emergency we are to put the air masks on ourselves first then our child. Having moments for ourselves makes us come home reenergized. ‘Me Time’ only happens when we ask for it!

The moral of my post is this, put your husband on your list and if you were wise enough to marry an honorable man, he will put you on his list too! Think golden rule.

Once again ladies, thank you for supporting Married Working Mothers.
Tiffany

Anonymous said...

“Males cheat on loyal women to boost their ego. A woman can be perfect for him. Beautiful, career minded, own money, cooks, does whatever he wants her to do in bed, loyal, intelligent, educated, faithful and yet, he will still cheat on her with an ugly, kangaroo looking girl every time. But why?How a male treats a woman is NOT a reflection of HER worth. Nor is it a reflection on anything she LACKS or is not doing. An overly macho, mentally weak, sensitive-minded male knows he does not DESERVE a strong minded woman. In his mind, he thinks one day she will mentally awaken to the realization she deserves better than him & leave him. This is why males cheat on a woman, to have POWER over her. He cheats on her to boost his ego.....

By Ebrahim Aseen

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